Paul’s Story

Thank God I found your website and can read about other dads going through some of what I am going through. If you could lend support or an encouraging email I would be so thankful. Basically my wife suffers from major depressive disorder and has been medicated even prior to our marriage or baby. I knew that this meant it was even more likely that she would suffer from PPD, which I feel she is suffering from.

For the past year and a half it’s been a living hell living with her. She didn’t want to take her anti-depressants while pregnant for fear of harming the baby and now that she’s had the baby 6 months ago she still is not taking them because she is breastfeeding and doesn’t want to hurt the baby.

All the while our marriage has gone to hell. We got pregnant only 2 months after getting married. This is my wife’s second marriage and so for the majority of our marriage my wife has been depressed. She suffers from a more agitated depression that makes her angry, moody, irritable, and blaming.

We’ve had our share of problems since being married, some of which are my fault, but it seems that in my wife’s eyes, everything is my fault. Especially now, I can’t say or do anything without it being taken the wrong way and being told how horrible I am to her. She tells me now that she regrets our marriage every day of her life and wishes we could get divorced. She thinks that everything is my fault, no matter what it is, and that I am mean, cruel, abusive, you name it.

Things that do happen, she sees only part of the whole picture so as to find fault in me where there really isn’t any. She sees reality completely different than it really is. She keeps revisiting an issue we had where I made a mistake, but overlooks the role she played in contributing to it. She tells her therapist and all her friends how horrible I am and gets all of them to agree with her and tell her that they are all amazed that she stays with me at all. Basically I’m vilified and I just wish I could say “hey” you don’t know the whole story, she’s only telling you the parts she want’s you to hear.

I feel alone. I question my own sanity. Is she really right about me? Am I really so horrible of a husband as she says I am? She sees the things she says about me and our marriage with just enough truth to make me really wonder. Deep down I know it’s her depression, but I’m loosing strength and am question myself and if I am a horrible monster she and all her friends think I am.

I know I have made mistakes but I think I treat her really well, am very loving, etc. But all that gets overlooked. All she remembers is the conflicts, the mistakes, and she overlooks the good things about me, the good things I’ve done, the good times we’ve had.

I found a letter she wrote to her ex husband in a book she was journaling in. I know I shouldn’t have read her journal, but I just wanted to try and figure her out and find out what’s going on with her. She wrote that she “misses” him and at that point I stopped reading. It broke my heart. This is a guy she had always told me was mean and abusive to her and treated her horribly, now she’s writing him and saying she “misses” him? Is all this normal for depression? What’s going on. What do I do? She has an appointment with a psych. on Monday so hopefully she’ll get back on meds.

The worst part of all this is that she’s great at playing the role of a completely healthy person who doesn’t have any issues and that I’m the problem. She can deceive all her friends and her own therapist into believing she’s fine and I’m horrible. What am I to do? Just wanted to hear some encouragement from someone who’s gone through what I’m going through. Just want support and to hear that I’m not crazy. Thanks.

6 Months Later

Well, I wish I could say that everything is better and back to normal but the truth is that we’re going on a year after our daughter’s birth and my wife is still depressed. Though she was prescribed a med by her doctor a few months ago to treat her depression it is one that is “breastfeeding safe” and not very effective for her depression. She tells me that she will wean our daughter by her 1st birthday. That is a month or so from now. Then she says she will go on her old meds again. I can’t wait to see if it really makes a difference. I know that when she was medicated before our marriage her depression was much more controllable.

The hardest part of it all is the drastic change in mood. One day she tells me how much she loves me, how great I am, how she ‘needs’ me. And then the next morning she swings 180 degrees and says that she wishes she could divorce me. I try now not to react either way. When she praises me I take it with a grain of salt because I know that it can turn on a dime.

My advice for any men out there who have wives who already suffer from depression or mental illness is to try and convince them prior to birth NOT to breastfeed. If I had known that I would spend two years of my life, my entire marriage so far, with an unmedicated depressed wife I would have fought tooth and nail to convince her breastfeeding was not the right choice for us.

I pray daily that I will one day get my wife back.

170 Responses to Paul’s Story

  1. Mary says:

    There are plenty of medications that are perfectly safe to take while breastfeeding. Most medications given for depression are safe, so it sounds like your wife’s doctor just isn’t aware of what is really “safe” and what is not. As a mother, breastfeeding has been a wonderful thing and I feel it has actually helped my depression, so I encourage all mothers and fathers to support and encourage breastfeeding, even in a depressed mother.

    • Michal says:

      My girlfriend after giving birth change so badly that I start to hate her. I love her so much but she has changed. She became aggressive and abusive. She don’t see what she is doing. She trying to make me guilty about all her behaviour. I feel powerless and tired. I really don’t know what to do. Each day become worse than before. How I can help her if she don’t see the problem? How I can be with her if she hurt me physically and mentally?

      • Ray says:

        Id hate to say it but I’m going through this in a sense. I’ve been hit four different times after the birth of my daughter. I’m dying everyday more and more. Its honestly to the point where i cant take it anymore. I doubt that we will end up together even though i love her so much, but I would prefer to be happy any day vs. a lifetime of sadness … Reconsider what your going through, if you are being so good to her and getting nothing but abused mentally in return, you don’t deserve the treatment. nobody does. I have to face the facts, I love her but shes no good for me, I was just a victim from the start.


      • Rich says:

        I am experiencing the same thing. My wife was violent to me during the later stages of pregnancy and this continued until she left when our daughter was 8 months old. She took her with her. She refuses to accept that she may be depressed and gets very angry when I suggest that she might be. This is not the same women I married before the pregnancy. No one will listen to my concerns as she appears to function normally. She projects all of her blame and anger onto me.

  2. Alice says:

    Paul, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the previous post regarding safe medications. Sounds like you may have some hope when she goes back on her regular meds.

    Regarding breastfeeding, I only breast-fed for about a month, and even then, felt like an inadequate mother because I didn’t produce enough and had to supplement with formula. Supporting is one thing, but one of the most horrific disservices of the entire birth experience was the pressure to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is not rainbows and sunshine for every mother, especially a depressed one, and the professed health benefits over formula are extremely questionable and biased.

    Do not press the BF issue, it will make things worse.

  3. Henry says:

    …..your describing my wife…..I can’t believe I’ve found other people who are going through the same thing!

    • Adam says:

      My wife is the same as Paul except she got pregnant on the honeymoon. I’m in the Navy and last Tuesday was my first duty day (I have stay on base all day and night) after the birth (21APR15) and 14 days of leave (vacation). So I was dreding it so much as was she. Turns out my old 2 year didn’t nap much at day child and threw tantrums from 2:30pm until 6:30-7pm when she went to bed. That’s when my 4 week old baby (3 at the time) started crying uncontrollably from 7pm to around 9:45pm. At 9:15 she called me saying she couldn’t do it, she can not handle this and threatened both my daughter’s lives and her own. I got authorization to leave for the night to help my wife and make sure the safety of my kids was good. My actions of letting my chain of command know I had an emergency like this triggered a family advocacy case which I had the pleasure of discussing with them today in which they told me they were mandated to inform CPS and they would make a house call, I couldn’t stop that from happenning. I went home at lunch since my wife had a meeting and I was watching the kids and I let her know CPS was coming so she wasn’t caught off guard. She flipped out like super flipped out. She eventually went to her meeting and came home and started to pack up her thing saying she was leaving and taking the kids with her and wouldn’t tell me where. Eventually CPS showed up to do a well baby check up and talk to both her and I. She absolutely hates me right now, she told our marriage is over, threw her rings at me, yells at me, belittles me. She tells me I’m the problem and she’s perfectly fine and she’s going to prove that when she has her psych evaluation in the next few days. I’m trying to do the right thing and get her the help she needs but it’s so hard for me to hear everything she says and her not realizing I’m not the bad guy and that I’m trying to help. All the counselors keep telling me I’m doing the right thing but this is so difficult. I love my wife and I want to stay together. I want my wife back.

  4. Josh says:

    My wife just gave birth to our first child recently and her mood swings and attitude have been out of control. She is breast feeding round the clock and barely sleepS, which is likely adding to her terrible mood. I am trying my best to be a loving husband and new father, but she makes it very difficult.

    I am an avid biker and take long rides probably two times a week (3-4 hours each time and usually early morning), which I know my wife can’t stand to begin with.. Since our child was born 2 weeks ago, if I even mention riding, she gets very angry with me and yells, cries, etc. Not sure if this is due to her emotions going crazy or if the thought of me doing something I enjoy while she is breast feeding/taking care of our newborn is what causes this. I feel like I’m going crazy/trapped and it’s only been 2 weeks. Anyone experience a similar situation? Thanks

    • cman says:

      My girlfriend of 7 years is the same way she gets mad if I take my old truck out for a drive and expects me to dill with are 2 kids every minute when I am home and not working and I work about 90 hours a week are kids are 4 years and a 6 month cents the 2nd kid has Ben born my life has Ben hell becouse my gf can’t handle raising 2 kids she is that women. That needs a live in nanny becouse she is lazy

    • chasing.a.dream says:

      Your wife feels like you don’t love or care about her enough to see that she is drowning in the constant breastfeeding and diaper changes and needs help. You don’t have breasts, but you can still help. Make sure she has plenty of water at her usual breastfeeding spots, bring her snacks before she asks for them, and just BE with her. If you have any time off work just get up with her and the baby throughout the night, it will make her feel less alone and overwhelmed. Bonus: if you touch her hair or rub her back, (soft touches that breed intimacy but don’t imply sex) during this time she will be more eager to start having sex once she is healed. Doing those things will make it ok for you to get your bike rides in, too.

    • chasing.a.dream says:

      I found this page because I am lashing out at my husband at 10 weeks postpartum and wanted a male persepective… what I have read here is heartbreaking. I feel (mostly) misplaced resentment and anger towards my husband because I’m having a hard time adjusting to motherhood, but I would never ever treat my husband in the way that most of you are being treated. You don’t deserve this. You need to let her know that you won’t put up with this treatment forever. My husband does not tolerate that kind of behavior from me, I have no delusions that he wouldn’t hesitate to leave me if I continuously berated him. He tolerates me lashing out and being critical of him, chalks it up to hormones, but he lets me know that it hurts him and it kills me that I can be insensitive towards him when he is my rock. We are in a tough place, and both say some things we don’t need but it’s nothing like this. Some of these women may be sufferung from severe postpartum but most of them have gone too far to repair things, they will never be the women you married. I am not one to give up on anything but guys, you have to. At least let her know that you won’t be treated this way. Take your child if necessary for their safety and go. She will either get the help she needs and fight to win you back, or she will continue on to abuse other men. Remember to cover your bases legally. It might seem harsh to call the police but if she is dangerous you need to establish that she may be an unfit mother because the courts are stacked against you. There are many men’s rights groups who will help you with custody battles, don’t hesitate to seek their advice. Thank you for being good fathers, and for reminding me what an amazing husband I have.

      • loveislove says:

        As a woman, I am completely appalled and disgusted that you would suggest to any man to leave their wife when she obviously needs him the most!!! PPD isn’t something that women have control over it is an illness!! That like your husband leaving you while you have cancer!! Calling the cops taking her kids away!!! No you get her help! You try to be loving and supportive you don’t just give up on someone because they are ill!!

      • Cassandra says:

        Wow that is completely appalling that you are giving that kind of advice to men who are dealing with the woman they love who are not mentally strong right now! Obviously what you have experienced is a normal hormonal shift and not PPD which can wreak havoc On a woman and her entire family! I hope none of the men here we’re leaving minded enough to take your advice and end up abandoning there wives in sickness! How atrocious of you to advise that kind of damage! You should be ashamed of yourself. Your husband sounds like he enjoys having a subservient wife, so good for you for being that, not all woman are that weak willed!

      • Shay says:

        Wow! You have absolutely no right to judge. Postpartum can effect people differently depending on their support systems. Perhaps your husband is home more often but some women have husbands who work well over 40 hours a week or work different shifts, swing or night shirt. Some women may also have lost one or both of their parents and in laws are not always as comfortable for a women to confide in. You may enjoy having a dominating controlling husband which is easy to see from the way you talk about him but not all men are that way.
        These men are strong enough to understand that their wives are suffering and that they want to help them. It is taxing on a marriage but some people will stay true to their vows “for better or worse” and work through something no matter how hard. I bet you come from a divorced family to suggest to someone else they should give up on their marriage. That is in no way appropriate for you to tell someone that they should get divorced. Yes is it horrible what these men are going through but it is also horrible what these women are going through. Thank god these men are researching, looking for support and trying to help their wives. I will pray that God sends these me strength. That he helps their wives heal and that they can continue forward with improvement in their marriage.

      • Sandra Joyce says:

        If your wife is having extreme mood swings soon after the baby is born, especially if she starts to be way more active and doesn’t sleep, she may have something called post-partum psychosis. It is bad but you can get help and you do recover. I had it twice and am still with my husband and our two sons eight years later. One example is that my husband came down at 4am to find me bleaching the sink and the mugs. Normally I wouldn’t do stuff like that, and definitely not at 4am. Long story but I spent 12 weeks in a psychiatric ward with my baby. They gave me medication which meant I couldn’t breastfeed which was a loss to me, but it was more important for my baby to have a mother who was well. In recovery time I fantasised about leaving my husband with the baby and just running away. I never said this out loud and I never did it because I knew it would be wrong and cause more trouble not less. I have a wonderful husband and if he thought about leaving, he never mentioned it. If they have changed that much, these women need help. Sometimes you do have to sacrifice breastfeeding for the good of the whole family. You do need to take the meds if you mental health is poor. I’m still on meds and they really help.

    • Joe says:

      I can definitely relate my wife seems to have almost gone off the deep end so to speak. No matter what I do I’m a failure, if I go to the store or do yard work I’m doing something fun while she breastfeeds. I want to help her but no matter what I’m a selfish asshole to her and her friends.

  5. Tristan says:

    That is MY wife, yet my wife would never take medication because it’s everyone else (ME) that has the problem, not her. Our son was born only 5 weeks ago and she said she’s announcing she is divorcing me to her mom and family this Saturday – Christmas Eve! I’m beyond devastated. We are in counseling and it was going great prior to our son’s birth, we took a month hiatus, now it’s worse than ever. She is SO angry and hateful. I’ve literally cried so much because I’m in so much pain over it all. She knows I’m hurting yet keeps on me to make it even worse. I have tried to be loving to her and calm and peaceful and she tell me she hates me…then, she will tell me she loves me and be nice for a minute, then reverts back to hating me! She hates my parents, says I choose them over her, which isn’t true! She says that because I’m forgiving of my mom over some things she said to ME (not my wife). She says I don’t care about her. I tell her how beautiful she is and give her affirmation daily. I sent her an article on PPD a week ago and she told me to go fly a kite. When our counselor mentioned it to her, she screamed out NO I DON’T HAVE THAT! 😦 I’m in hell. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    • Oteaga says:

      I am in the boat guys! My wife is having an affair and is running from the baby! She is playing to her family but she definatley is missing the connection. She blames me that I don’t desire her and she ended up comforting our friend who was going through a divorce and now she is “in Love” and wants me to divorce her. I get the felling alone part!!! From her doctors to her family nobody will listen. I am now questioning my sanity. She suffered depression through the pregnancy and has been seeing a psych but keeps telling me “i have not been diagnosed”. Try living with her! She is far from the woman I married 6 years ago. She has a drinking problem and went right back to it at the baby’s 8th week of life. I am scared to death I want my wife back and it is looking grim! PLEASE tell me I am not nuts!

    • Johnny Bingo says:

      Hang in there buddy! You show her that no matter what she does, you are not moved. Take care of yourself and try to maintain a positive attitude and outlook ( which will rub off on her eventually), and things over time will get better….
      By no means show your weakness or suffering ( this will just fuel her resentment more).

    • Troy says:

      tristan are you there? tell me how it went. Is there any end to this because I am going through the same identical situation…this is hell, did not know my life can turn into this…

      New First Time Dad of Twins

  6. Paul says:

    My wife dumped me after the baby was only 3 and a half months old. I came home one day from work and she was sitting on the ground. Then she went to her bed and pulled the covers over her head. When I tried to comfort her and ask what was wrong she asked me to leave, told me that she wanted a break. Since then she has only communicated with me rarely it is now nearly 3 months and she hasn’t allowed me access to see my new daughter. I don’t understand it. Does anyone know why this might have happened?

    • john says:

      Paul, i wish I could tell you the magic solution, I didn’t find it myself. Learn all you can, be as loving as you can and find support from knowledgeable people. PSI is a wonderful resource, use their help in all ways you can. Know that what you and she experience is not your fault, not your wife’s fault, and that it will get better. Help her to feel secure in her home, secure with you, that you care immensely for her and your daughter. Know that it gets very difficult for husbands too, don’t take it personally.. you are in a ‘storm’. yes, Learn and love.

  7. Paul says:

    any comments would be greatly appreciated.

    • Joyless says:

      Finished reading this in utter disbelief that you just described much of what I’ve been going through with my wife for the last 12 years !!! I’ve hung on for the sake of our little boy who’s just turned 11. Oh my God, every description, every scenario except for the medication, (she believes she knows more than doctors you see). Any of you new readers have to know what its like, I’m in tears to think anyone else has or is going through this. Sweet Lord help us all please ! Bad men are abusive, drink, do drugs, mistreat the kids, sleep around, whatever else you can think of. I never did any of these things yet I’m portrayed as a horror. My son said to me in conversation today ” I can’t remember any good times with Mom, just the yelling and screaming and threats”.
      That was yesterday following being called an abnormal moron by her since he couldn’t find what she sent him to get for her.
      Oh man, I can’t write any more, sorry, I feel for you fella, I truly do.

  8. Justine says:

    You need to live up to your mistake. Even as you describe it here you are dismissing it as something minute.
    A small mistake is ten times bigger right now for her.
    I hope your mistake was not during her pregnancy or newborn stage.

  9. Dv says:

    I feel so much better that I found this site, thanks guys.. Hang in there..

  10. Luke says:

    It’s 4weeks since my wife gave birth I proposed to her yesterday Xmas day only to have it thrown in my face the next day and told that she didn’t love me anymore the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever felt, and to crush me more she wouldn’t let me near our daughter who was looking at me my heart has been crushing with the mood swings but this for me is unreal pain

  11. Ryan says:

    My wife and I had just recently had our fist baby. My wife has been off her meds for over 3 years now and it’s been a living nightmare. I love my wife and really have been trying to make things work and adapt to her moods and situations but it’s getting harder and harder. She takes anything negative that may have happened in the past or something she heard about my family (we don’t speak to them due to some issues she has with my mother and sister) and twists them around and applies them to me. I am now the focus of her anger for anything that happens. The nipples on the bottles are too fast… It’s my fault for picking them out… well she picked them and put them on the registry. The store is out of something… it’s my fault for not going earlier in the day. Her friend is having an issue with another person and is not acting like normal to my wife… it’s MY fault for her friend being upset… I must have done something to upset her and now she’s acting “weird” to my wife. She will threaten me with Divorce and keeping my son from me. She has gone so far as to tell me that she “has” divorce papers already to be signed. One time I asked her to produce them so I could sign them.. suddenly they were not in the house… she claimed I moved them… later on the same day she tells me they are at work and she would bring them home tomorrow… then suddenly no mention of them. Long story short, she never had them. She was trying to bluff me and when I called her bluff she got even more angry. She hits and screams at me and POWER TEXTES and calls me when she’s mad. It sometimes makes it difficult to work.

    My wife’s condition has changed some in the past year or two. She now tends to take what she will see on a TV show (housewives of _____) and take a situation she sees them having and apply it to our life… so if the character is having a fight with a husband over the look or design of the house… within 24 hours WE are now having a fight about our house. If the character on TV suspects the husband of cheating… suddenly within 24 hours.. I am now the suspect of cheating. It took me a while to catch on but when I put 2 and 2 together it floored me. She even kicked me out of the house for the night because the girl on TV kicked her husband out of the house for Snoring. Then when I left at her request, she power texted me from 11am to 9am the next morning and called me 53 times just to yell at me on the phone.

    With the new baby here I am getting the same Hate and Anger focused on me that all of you are talking about. It’s becoming harder and harder to keep my mind focused on the big picture of getting her help, building my family and trying to live a “normal” life with her and my son. I am at the end of my rope. I have sat and thought to myself that maybe the best thing to do is get divorced. But then I wonder if I am just giving in and not doing my part as a husband to be there for my wife when she “needs” me. Although she will tell you otherwise.

    This board gives me some hope that I am not alone….
    My wife and I had just recently had our fist baby. My wife has been off her meds for over 3 years now and it’s been a living nightmare. I love my wife and really have been trying to make things work and adapt to her moods and situations but it’s getting harder and harder. She takes anything negative that may have happened in the past or something she heard about my family (we don’t speak to them due to some issues she has with my mother and sister) and twists them around and applies them to me. I am now the focus of her anger for anything that happens. The nipples on the bottles are too fast… It’s my fault for picking them out… well she picked them and put them on the registry. The store is out of something… it’s my fault for not going earlier in the day. Her friend is having an issue with another person and is not acting like normal to my wife… it’s MY fault for her friend being upset… I must have done something to upset her and now she’s acting “weird” to my wife. She will threaten me with Divorce and keeping my son from me. She has gone so far as to tell me that she “has” divorce papers already to be signed. One time I asked her to produce them so I could sign them.. suddenly they were not in the house… she claimed I moved them… later on the same day she tells me they are at work and she would bring them home tomorrow… then suddenly no mention of them. Long story short, she never had them. She was trying to bluff me and when I called her bluff she got even more angry. She hits and screams at me and POWER TEXTES and calls me when she’s mad. It sometimes makes it difficult to work.

    My wife’s condition has changed some in the past year or two. She now tends to take what she will see on a TV show (housewives of _____) and take a situation she sees them having and apply it to our life… so if the character is having a fight with a husband over the look or design of the house… within 24 hours WE are now having a fight about our house. If the character on TV suspects the husband of cheating… suddenly within 24 hours.. I am now the suspect of cheating. It took me a while to catch on but when I put 2 and 2 together it floored me. She even kicked me out of the house for the night because the girl on TV kicked her husband out of the house for Snoring. Then when I left at her request, she power texted me from 11am to 9am the next morning and called me 53 times just to yell at me on the phone.

    With the new baby here I am getting the same Hate and Anger focused on me that all of you are talking about. It’s becoming harder and harder to keep my mind focused on the big picture of getting her help, building my family and trying to live a “normal” life with her and my son. I am at the end of my rope. I have sat and thought to myself that maybe the best thing to do is get divorced. But then I wonder if I am just giving in and not doing my part as a husband to be there for my wife when she “needs” me. Although she will tell you otherwise.

    This board gives me some hope that I am not alone….

  12. Marcelo says:

    Oh my God…I’m not alone…thanks you guys…My wife has been making our marriage a living hell for 9 months now…like he said, sometimes I even question myself if she isn’t right about the things she says about me…she makes me feel like a crappy husband, which I’m pretty sure I’m not…may God help us all.

    • William Conner says:

      Additional comment: Holy balls. All your wives have turned you into a monster in their minds too? All she does it build a case against me. She retells stories in way to make me look terrible when what happened was something that she should feel bad about. She calls me abusive after abusing me verbally if I say anything back. It’s madness.

  13. William Conner says:

    My wife has turned into a monster. It was bad right after the baby, but it is getting worse. Meds don’t help. She has a dark rage in her now. There is nothing she will not say. She has become controlling and cruel. She has issues from youth but none seemed to damage her before the baby. Now, I see little kindness in her. For the baby, sure. WTF is going on here? She has become so irrational it actually scares me.

    • Joe says:

      Totally with you! My wife will say anything to me to get a reaction. I’ve seen counselor’s by myself, just for a sanity check. Guess what? They say that it’s most likely PPD and she needs checked out. Guess what? She won’t go! Now what? I can’t force her and I’m running out of options

  14. oteaga says:

    I am now divorced and my ex is so selfish and self centered it is hard to believe! What I have learned is that a
    possible problem is when on these drugs for depression and coming off of them there is a Withdrawl. All sorts of bad things are reported as side affects.
    The problem is once they determine you are to blame in the time they are in Withdrawl it is over. We are not alone! Look into how antidepressants destroy marriages… Fn brutal!!

  15. Sad Dad says:

    Before we had our daughter, my wife loved me and cared about me. Now, I feel that she thinks I’m in the way.

    My wife says mean things to me. A lot.

    When I tell her that it hurts my feelings, she argues that she’s sick of being the bad guy. I just have to sit there and take it. And if I don’t and try to stand up for myself – here comes a fight.

    I know there are lots of adjustments for us – baby, my commute, my wife stopped working, so I know it’s hard for her – but she’s sleeping now and our daughter is 11 months old. How long does my wife get to treat me terribly with an excuse? Is this life now?

    I feel that I need all the strength in the world to just let her hurtfulness roll off my back.

    If we’re not doing what she wants at any moment (literally, any moment), she is going to run to her family. It feels as though if I don’t agree to do whatever she wants, she’s just going to pick another family instead.

    It feels that she’s more connected to her family than to ours, when I’m trying as hard as I can to make our family work.

    Any time I’m with my daughter, my wife has suggestions for what I should do with her. There’s constant digs about my parenting. The best time I have with my daughter is when my wife isn’t around.

    I love my wife. She’s the woman of my dreams, but since giving birth and nursing I feel she sees no value in me or us.

    I know in my heart that I’ve tried my hardest for the last 11 months.

    It’s hard for me being the only one trying to make it work.

    It was good to see all these other stories to know there’s other people going through similar things, and that some of them have happy endings. I hope mine does too.

    • capt.suni says:

      You are strong and our babies need us to be that smile during a crying fit or the arms of comfort when mom is too too frustrated to provide calm love and a lullaby.
      I feel you and know ur pain, but it gets easier and everyday they grow and mak8ng sure that appreciation of innocence and love without anger towards anything besides a bag of garbage (i take out without question although I just finished laundry and cleaning entire house), is the only frustration I let slip out.
      New dad and just as uncertain about rules and protocol for the subject of family and newborns, because that book seems to be unavailable at anywhere on earth.

  16. capt.suni says:

    Be strong dads. My wife and I lost a baby unexpectedly a year ago, got through it together, somehow got pregnant again and a beautiful baby boy has now become part of our family. Immediately after birth, she started getting anxious, scared, resentful for no reason, saying she regrets having baby, and that her life sucks . I am doing both and night and early am baby duty when not at the station, but she still had not taken the initiative to get help and improve here health although she has acknowledged her inability to function. Currently I am watching baby in monitor while she sleeps and taking temps, since after her insisting that nothing was wrong for last 2 days while I called doc and prepared to go to er due to 100.2 and 100.3 temps in baby, now her delusional or just not able to handle stress mind acceots that I am only attempting to keep baby safe.
    I have heard her speak of divorce, then deny the conversation ever ever occurred. One day she decided to call her mom and say im crazy followed by her mom calling me in rage, talking w me and then her later, and both realizing that I was fine and that her emotions are being unstable. Her mom also denies she has ppd and juat baby blues. She talked about suicide on bday of friend who killed himself last year and wondered why I was upset, and thought that I needed to just shut up and keep my emotions low priority.
    Still I am happy to clean his diapers, hold him, and now that I was able to get him on formula, take him on walks without worry about milk pump (bought her one bc she wasnt able to call or do much), and perhaps rest.
    I feel alone, ignored, irrelevant, anxious, and somehow optimistic to a hope of our little family family becoming unified.
    Ppd is a dad battle… Pregnancy is emotionally a dad thing too. But dads shoud never question or expect support.
    I keep myself afloat and swim agains toxic ppd waves trying to sweep me In too.
    Is this normal?
    1st baby

  17. Zach says:

    Paul it was crazy reading your story bc i can relate in every way Ur feeling and everything that your wife is going through. I pray for the same thing everyday to have her back the way she was. I can’t move on bc my heart lies with my family. This is probably the hardest thing that I will ever have to go through bc there just seems to be no end in sight. I feel bad for my son. This was not the life I wanted for him. Good luck man. Just know that you are not crazy and there are other dads going through the exact same thing.

  18. derrick says:

    Guys I had to deal with what y’all are dealing with, my woman use to love and hate me at the same time. Insult me, belittle me, tell me I’m less of a man, threaten me, and tells me how she needed me and loved me. Sometimes she made me feel like if she had others in her life that would have been there for her, she wouldn’t need me, actually she would tell me that. She even left me twice and came back to me after I had to beg. After all the bad things finally starts to get better for her but I now feel hate and anger towards her and I don’t know how to turn those feeling off because I do care for her and love her, but I don’t feel in love with her anymore and I feel like I despise her. It’s like I gave her my heart just to crush me and now she wants me to love her but I dont know how anymore. I just left her and she is crying out for me to come back but I can’t stand being in her presence. What do I do?

  19. Zach says:

    U loved her once. It can happen again. Try doing things just u and her. Do different things then what u used to do. Ur gonna have to rebuild. These things happen in relationships. U have to see the bigger picture. Think about not having her in Ur life. The feeling off loss always makes u rember what u have.

  20. Fernando says:

    I am wondering how are you Paul? I have a very similar problem with my wife… I realy do not know more what to do… We are 10 years married, and have a 7 month baby boy… Everything is my fault, anything that happens… But she never tells others… The problem is that I cannot handle anymore the way she talks to me… How she say that I am not a man… She will not let my son be like me, because he gona be a man… Or my son will not be anything like anyone from my family… Last week just started saying that will run away or some times thinking that she does not want to live anymore… But today, after the whole day being good, at the end a small problem made her crash again… And she said that she don’t want to kill her self, but she should kill me, because all the problem is my fault and if I am doing is because I want to hurt her mentaly and then I shlud die… Then she whent to sleep in my son bedroom… First time in 10 years of marriage that we do not sleep on the same room… I realy don’t know what to do… She is taking Med for about a month, but she keep forgeting, and saying she are goint to stop because I am the problem, and if I don’t care why shoul she cares. Sorry about my broken english!!! I really don’t know what to do… I am thinking in divorce, but I love her. I want to be with her. I am alson afraid of her don’t let me see our son again without a judicial fight… I realy want to hel her and our marriage, but I am loosing it, and thinking if it will ever be normal!?

  21. JT says:

    Wow! This is exactly what I’ve been going through (minus the medication part)! Isn’t it hard to keep calm and patient and understanding in the face of all that? I’ve slipped several times and started yelling back, and I feel horrible every time it happens (especially in front of our daughter). Walking away just doesn’t work (because then it’s “ignoring” or “neglecting”). Trying to talk it out doesn’t work (because it only escalates, no matter how gently or caring you put it). What else is there to do?

    As for your advice of trying to convince them not to breastfeed, THAT IS HORRIBLE!!! All babies SHOULD be breastfed if possible! It’s the best thing for them, and not doing it can cause not just minor problems but major problems for the baby when they’re older (if not immediately, or both). So your advice I definitely DO NOT agree with. Instead, you should be telling people to make sure they completely know and understand their partner BEFORE having a baby! And have some sort of mapped out plan, even if it’s adjustable or wrong at times. Your mistake was not breastfeeding, sir, but rather having the baby too soon (as was mine probably).

    But for people in our situation where hindsight is 20/20, it’s too late to go back, what can we do?

    • postpartumdads says:

      While breast feeding is clearly best for the baby I believe sometimes it is not best for the mom. If mom is too stressed out by breast feeding or is unable to get adequate sleep her health and mental state must be considered. There are many healthy people walking around that were raised on formula.

      • FeellikeAlBundy says:


      • Amy says:

        I am pretty late to this but wanted to reply from the women’s perspective. I felt that i needed to breastfeed (i have twins so i actually pumped but still the same since it takes at least 40min away from sleep). It is best for the baby and i wanted to give them the best even if it was with a little effort on my part. My husband kept telling me to stop because it is too exhausting for me, which actually made me pretty mad. The correct response is to support her and help her by doing something else that she doesn’t have to do after and can go to sleep. I know that many women who can breastfeed in bed. So a partner can easily wake up when the baby waked up, bring the baby to her and then put the baby back to sleep. Your wife can breastfeed in almost dreamlike state. Or in my case, could do all the bottles/wash/clean the house etc – there is ALWAYS something that can be done in that half an hour so she doesn’t have to do it after. Pushing her to stop just gets her more self conscious because it goes against her instincts to do what’s best for the baby. Eventually she will know when it’s time (i stopped at 4.5 months and i felt i did my best). You have to know that breastfeeding is NOT easy even though it’s supposed to be natural. Which is also something that we feel guilty about – should be just like 1-2-3 but in reality it’s painful, uncomfortable and very frustrating. Also the prospect of having to do it every few hours for month is quite daunting and we don’t need you to put even more pressure on us. To summarize, i felt that he didn’t want me to keep breastfeeding because it was harder on him by requiring him to do more of the other chores or because i kept telling him that no he can’t leave this second because i need to pump and he has to wait in case the baby wakes up.

  22. CI says:

    I can totally relate to you guys’ stories – even the cyclist guy. My girlfriend was behaving in all the same ways, beginning around 3-4 months after the birth of our daughter. Her behaviour continued to get more irrational, angry and hateful for the next 9 months after that. After a few months, I discussed how I was feeling about the situation, and asked if she would consider talking to her doctor. She said “no”. After several more months, I insisted she get medical help and she refused. However, I was happy that she did finally agree to meet with a couple of different relationship counselors with me. After several more months, I told her that I would leave her if she would not seek medical help because her condition was making life incredibly hard for all three of us. She still refused, and of course, yelled and raged, insisting that everything was my fault.

    I finally left her to keep my sanity and happiness, and to ensure that the time I spent with my infant daughter could be free from domestic stress. It was a difficult decision, and it was ugly, but I still believe it was the right thing to do – even though I had to spend thousands of $ in a custody fight (she filed for full custody, and I thought joint custody would be the best thing for all of us.) Now I have my daughter 50% of the time, and we have a strong, healthy and beautiful bond. It also seems like the time apart from my ex girlfriend has allowed us each to regain some much needed perspective on the situation. She seems to have turned a corner and has been behaving much more rationally, reasonably, friendly and positively in the last month or two. She has still not acknowledged her behaviour or apologized, but she has told me she has “forgiven” – I guess suggesting that I was the one who did something terrible by leaving her. It would be a stretch to say we are friendly now, but at least she is acting more agreeable, reasonable and positively now, which is essential for effective co-parenting.

    If we had already been married, or if she would have sought medical help for her condition, I probably would have tried to hold on longer. But my counselor could tell that I was very unhappy and that she seemed incredibly angry, and he advised that we would probably never be able to repair the relationship while continuing to live in the same toxic environment. Creating space between us seemed to give us the only possible chance. I think that the space and time we put between us also may have allowed her to see that caring for a baby alone, even 1/2 time, is incredibly difficult. Perhaps she could then see that I actually was providing much more help and support than she had perceived previously. I don’t know if we could ever get back together, but because we separated and gave ourselves some breathing room, it could be an option once she becomes healthy again.

    Guys – just keep in mind that life is too short to be miserable. Your kids will pick up on it, and that is not good. You must be a strong, happy and positive role model for them. Postpartum issues are real, but at some point women need to take some responsibility for the bad situation and seek treatment. If they don’t, you may have no choice to separate for the well-being of your kids and yourself. Hope this helps someone else who is trying to consider all options.

  23. Frustrated says:

    I am suffering from some of the same problems. Our little guy was born only 3 weeks ago and before that everything seemed okay. My wife struggled with insecurities from her past which through support and lots of love, I hoped would eventually subside. I go to work everyday, then I come home and cook dinner and clean, all while taking care of our new son. I went to bed at 11 last night and got up at 4:45 this morning to attend to his needs and put him back to sleep. I should mention I have epilepsy and need to get some sleep and so I cannot go through the night with no sleep or I may have an episode. I wish I could do more but I have to provide for our family and quitting my job is the only way I can give her the support she needs. I wanted to hire a cleaner who could help take one more thing off my plate and a part time nanny who could help take care of the baby and cook but my wife wont have it. I have tried to offer a number of solutions, none of which she will go for.

    She makes me feel like I am the worst husband and father. I don’t drink or do drugs, I don’t hang out with friends, I don’t cheat or flirt and never have. I removed myself from facebook to try to help her alleviate some of her insecurities. My life is centered around her and my new son. Still, I get told about what I don’t do, never taking into consideration what I have done. This past weekend I removed some garbage from our house, put a load of laundry in so I had clothes to wear, and cleaned our dog and cat runs. When I was done I got accused of running away every time the baby is fussy. A lot of what she says is not true but I now feel like I am not living up to who she thought I would be. I have recently started getting recurring nightmares where the baby is sleeping in bed with me and I cant find him, I wake up and begin searching for him and it takes about 15 seconds to realize he never sleeps in bed with me. Maybe I also suffer from some ppd. I have mentioned us both talking to a professional about this and she just got mad at me and lambasted me for an hour about how I should do some reading online, and how if I thought she had that, I shouldn’t trust her with the new baby. This also ended up in me not being a good father and husband. I have given my wife every tool available to make this easier on her. We agree`d that she quit her job about a year and a half ago to prepare for trying to get pregnant. I just built her her dream home, bought her her dream SUV, got every gadget and gismo to make things easier and on and on.

    The sad thing throughout this whole ordeal is I want her to be happy even if that means her being with someone else. I know there are some great guys out there who could undoubtedly make her happy. However, I doubt that any of them could do more, or say more than I have, short of somehow living in an alternate reality where there are 28 hours in a day and people don’t need to sleep. Maybe like some of the vampires on the shows she watches… lol

    I don’t really expect anyone to give me advice, it is just nice to read some other posts of what people are saying. These posts help me so that I know that I am not alone, and it gives me a platform with which to vent my feelings. I envy the people who have, “normal,” lives postpartum. I do not wish this on anyone. For those of you who have the same problems I have, I wish the very best for you.

    • Zach says:

      I did the same thing.. Tried to give her everything I could.. Told her she didn’t need to work she can do whatever she wants.. School.. Whatever.. I find the more u give the more they seem to take it for granted. We are 22 months postpartum right now… We have been split up for awhile.., I tried for so long to get us back together… I didn’t realize the stress I put myself thru… It was hard to see. I just figured I could handle it… But I got to tell u something… Why put urself thru that for someone who is going to treat u like that… U keep going down this path with no professional help and her wanting to get better,…. Then it will get even worse… Then she will separate from u… Blame u for everything… She will think that she is feeling better with out u… Confirming what she thinks… Best thing u can do is focus on ur child..

  24. Yalleh says:

    ALLLLLL the same issues here with my wife! My problem is I have PTSD from cancer treatment and my own issues with tumors in my brain. Last night was a terrible lightning storm, I just hung outside and put my head up against our metal garage door, too bad the closest strikes were a few hundred yards away. I know its a younger persons song and nothing to do with this but I really “I wish I could wake up with amnesia”. I can’t even think about being with someone else (have no interest in it all) but not sure I can take this much more.

  25. bdazzler00 says:

    WOW. I can’t believe there are so many dads going through the same thing as me. My situation started about 2 weeks after our son was born. My wife started saying that she was concerned I wanted to take the baby from her. From there it escalated gradually into I wanted to kidnap the baby from her, I was cheating on her, and me and both of our families were “control freaks” that wanted to control her life. I begged her to go to therapy but she said I only wanted to go to try to make her look crazy so I could take her son away from her.It became as if her heart turned off to everyone but our son. My wife even had the willpower to not even say the words “happy father’s day” to me on my first father’s day.

    I struggled to support the family by begging, borrowing, and stealing for 10 months, falling deep into debt while she watched me struggle, resented me anytime I tried to talk to her about it, and sat back and did nothing to help. She questioned what I was doing with “my money” even though I repeatedly tried to sit down with her and show her our bills. She has isolated us from her family and mine, not allowing either of the baby’s grandmothers to see him in over 6 months. they’re heartbroken to say the least. She still refuses to speak to her own mother and they used to be best friends. She will either threaten me with divorce or lock herself and the baby in her room for days just to deny me the chance to say hello or goodbye to him if I dare to defend myself against any of her false accusations, and tells me she’s going to make sure I never see my son again at least 3 times a week.

    My wife became verbally abusive, calling me lazy (I work 60 hours a week and watch the baby another 40 hours a week), incompetent (I do EVERYTHING in our relationship, she can’t even use a microwave), and disgusting, all in front of the baby. I get to bed at 3 in the morning from work, sleep on a couch, and wake up at 7 am to take care of my son every day because she refuses to let anyone, even of her choosing, help watch the baby from time to time. I recently had to step down from my job because I could no longer fulfill my responsibilities due to having to watch the baby every day.

    Now my wife is back at work, she either says i “made her go back to work so she could pay MY bills”, or “i didn’t want her to go back to work so I could control her”. but the craziest part is now that she has a chance to help out financially she refuses to contribute any money towards the rent, cars, utilities, etc that I have been paying for the past 10 months, even though I have run out of means to come up with the necessary money and we are being threatened with eviction!

    I feel like a fool that I didn’t see any signs that my wife could be so cruel and full of hate. Is this the real person and the one I fell in love with was an act? or is this chemical? I’ve sacrificed my life savings and my self esteem for this person I don’t even recognize anymore.She doesn’t seem to care or feel remorse about anything. I’m worried my son will be emotionally damaged by what is going on. I would have left months ago if it wasn’t for him, and I don’t think I can ever look at her the same way.

  26. Corey says:

    I’m going through the same exact thing.. Except She won’t see a doctor or therapist and has no medications… I’m in a rut and I don’t know what to do.. She is 9 months, 3 days past her pregnancy due date and I just do t know why to do .. She said she was going to change her name prior to me even proposing . She never did, a year later. Everything is my fault then out of no where she’s caring and says she needs me. I don’t know why to so, I just want everyone to be happy and healthy but at this point I feel like I have to figure out what to do to be happy to provide my son a beautiful happy environment .. I need help please email me if you have any advice .. I want to be tere for her but with all the things she tells me I can’t emotionally telling me she wishes we never got married , marriage doesn’t mean anything to me, I only married you to make you happy… I’m seeking advice asap to be there for her (but it’s starting to hurt who I am and how I I visioned my lfe and my wife and how she treats me, I feel as of she doesn’t love me when she tells me she does but at the same time telling me she doesn’t want to be be married or regrets it, holds it Over my headand a great father to my son with no matter what

  27. Otteaga says:

    She is suffering from “Anti” pardom depression. I wish you all the luck in the world. Try and contact her gynecologist and report her mental state to discuss how to treat her.

  28. Johnny Bingo says:

    Start taking care of yourself ( by making sure you have a peace of mind) and focus on being a good dad ( which already sounds like you are).

  29. 3kidslater says:

    Post baby mood swings are terrible. Im not a dad I am the mother. After reading some of these comments I really wanted to share my experience and how my husband and I were able to overcome all of it. It was HELL. With each baby it got worse. My two youngest are 17 months apart so my body had very little to no time to get back to normal……… whatever normal is after having a baby. I had always suffered from depression so medication was no stranger to me and I took an antidepressant that was safe before during and after each pregnancy. About a week after my youngest was born I noticed my depression deepening, my anger towards my husband was at an all time high, I had no desire to get out of the house, no energy, extremely insecure about my body. My husband worked nights, 14/16 hr shifts. I would sit and watch my baby just to make sure she was breathing, check on my other two every 30 minutes, every light except our bedrooms had to be turned on, knife beside my bed, pepper spray. The cradle was as close to the bed as I could possibly get it. I never slept…….. I voiced my concerns to my doctor. He said “its just the baby blues, youll be fine in two weeks, keep taking your medication”………. I wasnt fine. I soon began to feel out of control, I cried and cried and cried. I hated my husband…….. the husband that came home and stayed up with our 3 children under the of 4 just to let me sleep. When he walked in the door every morning there was relief…… instantly. I still hated him. It was all his fault, he did this to me, now im stuck at home while hes able to go to work and socialize with people who dont wear diapers. It was terrible. Again I voiced my concerns to my doctor, I mentioned the possibility of ppd…….. he said no……no? Give your body time to adjust, if you had ppd you wouldnt be so close to your 3 children. All of this had my husband convinced there was nothing wrong and that I was just trying to get attention. That is when it all began to fall apart…… as if it hadnt already. Feeling the way I did only got worse, I began having massive panic attacks requiring my husband to leave work and come to the rescue, and of coarse having him there relaxed me so again there was accusation of needing attention. I felt alone, no one would listen, I wasnt ok, I wasnt crying out for attention. The stress and anxiety got so bad my stomach started hurting. I could no longer eat without getting sick. After 3 emergency room visits with discharge instructions of “plenty of rest” my husband was over it. He no longer believed a word I said. I hated him, I would scream at him and at the same time I remember just wanting him to hold me and to tell me we were going figure this out. That never happened. My mother ended up coming to get the kids and I. They found ulcers in my stomach, genotype testing proved my body wasnt metabolizing the medication I was given. I was diagnosed with severe ppd. Started a new medication and not even a week later I noticed a change. My husband obviously had a lot of apologizing to do, but I did as well. It was the hardest thing I had ever been through and that him and I had been through together. It was the biggest test on our marriage and we almost failed. The one thing I am thankful for tho is the fact that I was able to see my behavior and how I felt and actually say something about it or ask for help. Had I continued on thinking I was not at fault or that I was “normal” and everyone else wasnt……. who knows what would have happened. My biggest advice to dads who have wives suffering from ppd, baby blues, mood swings, whatever it may be, just be there…….. listen when they tell you how they feel, attend doctors appointments to make sure you know exactly whats going on and what shes telling them. Make time to speak with the doctor and voice your concerns…….. sometimes women arent entirely honest when they have to talk about how they feel. Its very difficult to tell someone you feel crazy! Reassure her, tell her shes beautiful…….. even if her reaction is F U……. she wants to hear that, needs to hear that. You may feel like youre walking on eggshells but I can assure you it doesn’t last forever.

  30. Joanna says:

    Sometimes in the strangest places, one can find help. I am a mother of a 1.4y. old, and all the posts and stories I read just made me realise how much of an issue PPD is, and how little it is actually discussed, especially where dads are concerned. I really feel your pain, and I’m ashamed to say I’ve done things to my husband I’m not proud of. Pregnancy and baby-related things always revolve around the mother and its a sexist view of things in reverse.

    If a woman’s perspective might be of any use to any of you dads out there, I’ll be happy to share mine.

    Let’s first say I was a bit alarmed to see how often your wives were prescribed anti depressants. Being European, I am a stranger to being prescribed drugs for anything and everything, at the slightest doubt that something might be wrong. I’ve had eating disorders in the past, but have never taken medicines and do not consider myself unstable, quite on the contrary.

    So, on the wife-turned-monster subject. My pregnancy was spent mostly alone and working in Brussels, and at times I was glad my husband wasn’t there to witness those violent mood swings and deranged cravings for ice cream and the like. Of course, I also felt very lonely and scared, all the more so because I had to take care of myself all alone, work, new environment and all those things combined didn’t make for a wonderful pregnancy at all.
    Fast forward a few months, I was breastfeeding on demand, baby woke up multiple times in the night and stayed awake for hours, refused to sleep if one of us did not hold him. I had severe PPD, but the worst part of it kind of went away after a few weeks. Little did we know the worst was to come.

    I think that with the passing of time, things simply add up to a point where just a little straw is all it takes to send everything flying. For me, i suddenly found myself in a situation where I was staying at home all the time, most days not even getting out of my pyjamas, my only interaction with people in the park nearby, my hair a mess, my body a mass I totally did not recognise as my own. As opposed to my former life, when I used to travel a lot, work in different places, meet different people all the time. My husband was extremely supportive throughout, never once blamed me and was kind, compassionate and really trying to help whenever he can. But let’s face it – when faced with severe sleep deprivation, the worst of our nature surfaces. I was actually jealous and envied my husband the fact that he had his work, that nothing had really changed for him in this respect, he left home in the morning to be with people, talk and discuss and see the wide world outside while I was left there in my pyjamas with a crying baby all day long. I was jealous, and I do realise how irrational and silly it is, but it’s true. So some of the rage I directed his way was a direct revenge for the fact that he had a life, and I didn’t.

    Now, almost a year and a half since the birth of our son, I’m not much better, because I still take care of my son on a daily basis, my husband goes to work, my social interactions are very limited and last but not least, my dear one is a perfect little prankster who never stands still. I feel so exhausted in the evening, I feel like crying a lot of the time, and I even went as far as telling my husband “It’s all your fault! I had a wonderful life until you put this baby in me.” Which is completely bonkers and I know that, but there are those times when it’s like someone else is inside my head. I know it’s wrong, but I simply cannot stop and think straight, I say what’s first on my mind and then regret it, and then go and tell him I love him and I appreciate so much everything he does to make my life easier. I know it sounds deranged, and it has no logical explanation whatsoever.

    I think in my case, the issue is that I used to do things that made me feel valuable and important, and now I feel “reduced” to staying at home and taking care of my son, failing to see that this is a value in itself and it’s one of the most important things I’ll ever do. But when one is within the situation it doesn’t seem that clear anymore. My husband does whatever he can to make me feel better, but also, sometimes, he is stern and he points out what I;m doing wrong, when I fall into self-pity instead of actually getting off my ass and working out or doing something else that will be good for me. Even if I do react badly to him being stern, I do appreciate it later on, because he pushes me to be a better version of myself when I don’t have the energy or the will to push myself.

    But reading some of you guys’ stories, I’m not sure that’s always the case. Forgive me, but I know my share of abusive, manipulative bitches who will do anything to get their way, and making someone feel vulnerable and degraded and guilty most of al is the perfect way to control that someone, as we all know. Do consider long and hard whether she was not like that in the first place, and she simply wasn’t too busy to tie you down so she played nice, and now you see her for who she really is. I am not saying that is always the case, as I am sure there are many women out there fighting with the issues I’m dealing with, but I;m pretty sure there are those type of bitches out there too. As hard as it can be, no family needs one member to be constantly unhappy but to stay in the relationship for the sake of others. In the end, it plays out for the worse for all concerned. Don’t let yourselves be manipulated in cheap and dirty ways. hold your ground, be supportive, be loving, be understanding, but when all is said and done and you feel worse and worse, think of a way out.

  31. MarcFromCanada says:

    When I started reading all these comments i started to cry. Knowing I am not the only husband/father out there who has a wife that he loves with all his heart but is having huge problems. My wife is a Filipina.. The most loving and caring women i have ever had. After 2 years of marriage in 2012 she gave birth to our son. I did notice some mood swings but nothing much… She now gave birth to our daugther in July 2014.. since she has not been the same loving caring wife I married in 2010. I understand 2 kids is alot of work and I try and do as much on my part as possible to lighten the load but I work alot of hours too.

    She has since giving birth to our 2nd child.. she has threatened to leave me 3-4 times, she has gotten physically violent towards me once. She accuses me of everything and anything. I just don’t know what happened or why.. I am trying to be the loving caring supporting husband… but when will this end..

    I am now looking into options because this has to stop. I am worried about her. I will try and speak to her sisters and doctor. I know she needs help but I have no idea how to go about doing it. I suggested for us to have some time away.. me and her… She doesn’t want to.. calls me selfish for wanting to spend 1 night without the kids.

    We haven’t been intimate in almost 1 year.. its now been 6 months since she has had our 2nd child… I’m not going to lie.. I feel pushed aside, lonely, in need of some affection “sexual affection” as well. I will do everything I can do help her and save our marriage. She is the love of my life… I love our kids…

    My questions is… With so many people leaving comments all surrounding the same issues we are having with our wives…. Has anyone ever had any positive results with steps taken? Someone to guide us..

    I don’t want to sound desperate but I am.. I want to save my marriage…

  32. Joe says:

    Brother, I understand your story, almost to a T. My wife was on anxiety mess prior to the birth of our son. She always had a temper, but nothing like now. Our son will be two in April of 2015 and since a couple months after the birth she became hateful and and at some points physical with me. I don’t know what to do at this point. Was your wife diagnosed with PPD?

  33. keegan says:

    My wife and I have been together 3 years and we had a baby last March he is almost 11 months now and I feel like she is having an affair I mean as far as she is concerned our sex life doesn’t exist she never wants to love on me and deep down I feel like it has to be an affair I hate to say that because she is the only woman I have ever been willing to settle down with and I would move mountains for her but she wouldn’t give me air in a jug as we say I don’t know if she is depressed or just tired of the same old stuff but I am as in love as ever and just can’t win

  34. Patrick says:

    You can email me or fb me I am William Patrick on fb I am going through the same thing it has turned our relationship into a mess idk what to do I just can’t leave my son with her.i need help I am losing my sanity as well

  35. brokenhearthusband says:

    Hey guys, first of all I wish I could have a beer or two with all of you. Everything has been described in previous comments. I feet so BETRAYED because my wife and I have seen all that happen to all of our friends and family prior we had a baby. We both had agreed that it was wrong and it would NEVER happened to us because our love is unique and we really wanted this baby as an act of our love. Oh boy, we were wrong it wouldnt have happened to us. Finally after 13 months I realized it it in full swing. I am living in hell. I dont know what to do because I love her and hate her at the same time for not keeping up her word. I love my baby Lilly like crazy too. However, this is the opposite I have ever wanted it my life. good luck to all of us. we all have been had.

  36. jeremy says:

    wow, I cant believe that I am not the only one out there. After the baby was born my wife started hitting and punching me in the face. I am actually thinking of divorce, because this is getting so bad.. I am not a small guy either, which perplex’s me why would she get so dang physical..

  37. Ryan says:

    My wife and I are going through tough times never imagined living. We were rocky after our first daughter but things smoothed out. Then our second daughter came, and all I get told is what I don’t do. All affection, communication has ceased between us. I have always been affectionate and helpful compared to other dads I know, but I’m loosing it. I have sunk into a depression myself and started counseling. I don’t know where to turn or what to do, when I even bring up my concerns Im faced with a resulting fight. I get the whole low sex drive women get during breast feeding, that I can live with, its the little things we don’t do the simple affections, talking, laughing. I think I’ve lost her and eventually my 2 little ones in my daily life. Anyway, I know I’m not in the same boat as some of you guys, but I appreciate this place to share. You all hang in there, thanks

  38. eric says:

    I feel you just had a 2 month old.. And my wife hates me for real mentally drains me making me feel like in sxum of the earn and I’m adaully going to try to talk to someone .. Because I’m getting sick with chest pains and anxiety . and I’m only 29 years old… I also prey every night I get her back ..
    Good luck mate

  39. Tyler Miller says:

    Its strange that I googled this life circumstance and found this forum. I feel very much the same way as most of you. When I met my wifevi felt very stable and happy with who I was and where I was in life. Of course things with her were really wonderful for over a year, a few ups and downs but we always seemed to work them out for the better.
    She as well had been taking medication for depression, bipolar, then stopped in the first year of our relationship. Since then it has been a slow steady decline into madness. I guess I lied to myself and ignored things, thought maybe it was my fault on issues that weren’t mine to begin with. Since our marriage the decline accelerated. She got pregnant right before our marriage date.
    Now my wife is at 34 weeks and everyday is chaotic. I dont know what I feel for her anymore. If anyone has come through this that is willing to offer their experience, strength and hope please reply.

  40. Zach says:

    Unfortunately if these women don’t see that they have an issue and aren’t willing to get help then you need to seperate from that. It will not get better. I have done everything for my ex. Tried everything. I don’t think I could have done any better or tried any harder then I did. At the end of the day she thinks I’m the one with problems.

  41. Mac says:

    This is exactly what I’m going through. Although my kids are older one in college the other in high school. The name calling or should I say labeling, such as being called a moron, untrustworthy, stalker, creep, thief, boring, you name it. I know I am none of that, I’m a good person and I think that she knows that and it disturbs her. Why because, and I knew this when I met her, she grew up in a house where her parents were divorced and all they did was fight with each other. She use to tell me stories how her and her sisters would hide when their father came home, he was a alcoholic. She’s on depression medication along with so many other prescribed meds. I could go on, the sad thing is you become trapped and start to believe your part of the problem. I really don’t know what tod. We don’t sleep in the same bed, no sex, no effection at all, she won’t even kiss me, and when she did it would only be on the cheek. As of now we hardly talk to each other.

    • Taryn says:

      My heart goes out to all you dad’s. I am a new mom with our first child and have been feeling emotionally overwhelmed and depressed and angry and resentful towards my husband although I love him dearly. I mentioned that I do not feel myself and had not throughout the pregnancy and we both suspected it was the hormonal changes. It’s hard to describe but it’s like having a child has opened every childhood wound, relationship wounds and marital hurt from my past,created immense insecurity and mistrust for anyone and everyone including my husband whom I love dearly and am committed to but at times when feeling overwhelmed have wanted to run away from. Never had I experienced such anger and rage and a whirlwind of emotions and felt so terrible at the same time that although I have broken down and lashed out at my husband I try to reassure him that I love him and that he is a great husband and dad and that I am sorry for projecting everything onto him when I know it’s really has little to do with him although he may trigger my behaviour at times. It’s like every heart issue,betrayal,rejection,emotional hurt from the past is amplified and magnified and triggered during an episode and boils to the surface when I thought I had dealt with those specific insecurities and childhood wounds years ago. Depression is a serious illness and a chemical imbalance which makes the world appear very dark and isolated coupled with the demands of a new infant and it can make a person feel like they want it to end or like they are going insane. Seek help early. Love and support your wife. Do not take the outburst and hurtful things and personsl attacks personally although extremely challenging and see it for what it is a chemical imbalance that needs treatment. It is extremely difficult to address or suggest help for a person that feels like you are telling them they are crazey when they already feel like their world is crashing down. Hold your wife and comfort her,encourage her and tell her she is doing well as a mother if you can,she does not hate you,she is hurting,scared,fearful,anxious,insecure and as overwhelmed as you are by her moods and behaviour and although she may be screaming for you to go away on the outside she is screaming for you to just hold and comfort her on the inside. Do not tolerate abuse though and be firm as with regard to what behaviour is not acceptable but always be stern from a place of love. You will both thank you for it later and it will also keep from allowing outbursts to turn abusive. Set boundaries and tell your wife that if her hurtful behavior does not stop towards you you will have to leave and create distance between you until she is rational and calm and that you will not partake in a full blown argument before your child,trust me she will thank you later,be prepared to leave physically in those situations and if she starts again on your return tell her that you will have to leave again and follow through and tell her you will return when she is calm and rational,This may make her angrier at the time but with your departure may help her snap out of an episode as it changes the dynamics and it may make her snap out of the current thought pattern. What ever you do,do not try to argue with her,scream at one another or defend yourself or argue ypur point of view as you will not be able to diffuse an episode but will only fuel it towards potential violence,the best thing to do is to physically leave,not to another room in the hpuse as she will follow you but outside of the toxic environment,trust me this will be better for both of you,Do not feed the monster in the heat of an argument and I call it a monster because it is although she is consumed by a monster of negative thoughts that spiral out of control into dark thoughts that are painful and overwhelming,self defeating and self rejecting though manifest in her rejection of you when it is herself that she has rejected in the chaos and confusion that has become her thinking but is verbalised by anger and rage and projected onto an external source – someone else (you )
      ‘to blame’ for the pain/paranoia in her trying to make sense of the overwhelming pain and conflicting emotions (this is a chemical imbalance within the brain and malfunctioning of synapses between synaptic nerves/ neurons short circuiting due to toxic chemical environment within the brain) . Encourage ypur wife to eat healthily,buy and prepare healthy meals,tell her you will look after the baby if she wants ‘me time’ , encourage her to excercise for release of good hormones,she may not feel up to it so encourage her to walk with you,take walks together ,spend time with her,anything to take her mind off the negative thoughts and also activities that produce feel good hormones,even inviting friends over and socialising although she may be reluctant or resistant, help create security,stability and normality and discard things like stong pain medication,drugs or alcahol within your home that she may turn to in a depressive episode. I hope this helps. You are amazing men and doing great. This is just a season. You will get through this and happiness and stability will return. Do not give up hope or on your wives. They are in just as much pain and are hurting just as much and need your love and support to get through this,although you may me her only vent for frustration you are probably her only source of comfort in her frightening dark world at the moment but be firm and rebuke unacceptable behaviour from a place of love and encourage her to seek help.

    • Sean says:

      I was just wondering how your situation was going, because I’m going threw the same thing, I’m a ex special operations soldier and I always figured I could deal with almost any situation, but when it comes to this I’m so confused and lost, I don’t know what to do.

  42. Johnny Bingo says:

    sounds like you want to separate…

  43. Aaron says:

    Yeah I’m going through this right now your story help

  44. Sean says:

    Your story is exactly what I’m going through, I thought I was alone until i found this website, I’m glad to see that I’m “not alone”, because honestly I thought I was until I read your story, and I was completely lost in the dark. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this because if it wasn’t for all of you I would still be lost. Thanks again

  45. loving father and husband says:

    Thank god I found this website. I really thought that maybe my wife was correct when.she says im a horrible person. Im going through the same thing except my wife decided she didnt need her meds for no reason

  46. Jason says:

    Well during the start of my ex girlfriends pregnancy she got really sick pushed me away said all the nasty things u could say to somone like I don’t love u never did I’ve no feelings we managed to fix things after her pregnancy same thing again over a couple of arguments no we are mob broke up 3weeks cause she’s back to same thing again couple arguments not serious ones and she’s up I’ve no feelings for u I’m done for good ect the thing is every time this happens with us she turns into the devil himself I mean she can be so cruel and nasty towards me she’s kinda cheeky anyways if she feels annoyed be others too but it seems to be a cycle every lot of months bk to this horrible person she’s never been diagnosed with anything she’s very like her dad in most ways he suffers from manic depression himself can anyone tell me wot they think it could be I no I can be argumentative and sometimes it’s me but I’m being blamed for everything by her she takes no blame for anything just being a really horrible person

  47. Confused says:

    Im going through the same isssues. Problem is I see no solution! That part is what sucks. I see eiteher keep giving (but she never cares about it so your still stuck) or divorce but thats not what we all want. Not sure if you all saw the change like I did but I feel like my wife got worst when she went on to birth control. The one they inject in the arm and it stays thier forever basicaly until you decide you want another baby. According to my wife the birthcontrol is like pushing a hormone out that is effecting the body and mind like the first trimester which then is the reson she wont get pregnant. SO i am blaming this becuase my 1st trimeter period with my wife was horrible after that it was great than the baby came. Obviously we took on the hard task together ( she felt draine but nothing was lashed out .) Maybe a few fights here and thier but nothing as severe as the 1st trimester. That being said, when she got the birth control is when it felt like the 1st trimester again.

    Do any of you think this could be why…. If so I was considering trying to convince my wife to get off it. and maybe look for an alternative.

    Luckily my wife apoligizes later but, ofcourse something els come up were I am now considered the worst person than its back to where she loves me a lot and she apologizes again. Sooooooo what the hell…. I understand what she is going through but I mean where is the logic in this ? I never heard of so much divorces happening do to PPD all the time and it seems so rare. I also dont here of suicided happening due to this. So what has changed over the years????

    Do women now a days not except the mother role any more or are wekaer at handeling it compared to previous moms? My mom siad she was emotional but never in a severe way and my wifes mother has said the same.

    Still I honestly think its the anti depressents (Overall, not my wifes case) or birthcontrol that is causing this, as I said befor I never heard of such serious cases except for us mellenias or since 2001 – and on. Correct me if I am wrong but a lot of info on PPD is new so obviously its something that was recently looked in too and maybe it was very slight back then but it seems like every one is facing it now adays like how everyone says they have ADD now (maybe they do or they dont) but yet that doesnt stop the fact that people seek the drugs and it only makes it worst.

    Sorry if this sounds odd and speculative but I dont feel like talking about my story or hearing other stories that dont have a good solution or way out except by divorce.

    I love my wife so much I dont want to give up. But I just cant figure it out, and every ones story is only making me more depressed as I dont want to loose my wife or daughter.

    So thats why I am hopping that all of you can see maybe thier was a single point of failuer. It is true that all posturm get the blues or depressed but for 12 years? Thats ridiculouse and I fear that could happen to me or for 9 months? It doesnt matter according to doctors or googling it, PPD should only last for a few months after. So if its continues after the few months maybe its something els? Like i keep saying for my self I think its my wife birth control. Whats is your take on this ?

  48. Joshua says:

    We are going through the exact same thing now but all of it started after our sons birth he is 9 months now and my wife loves him very much but she regrets him n feels like she should give him up. She tried to call her obgyn to let her know how she is feeling but said she couldn’t do anything for her because she asked 4 months after our son was born not 3. I travel a lot for work and I’m very concerned for her and us especially when I am not home it makes things very stressful. I just really need some help I am going crazy she drives me crazy I don’t know what to tell her anymore all I do is annoy her she wants to leave me the baby and the dog and just be alone or go back in time to it was just us two. I need help please help

  49. JJ says:

    My world has been turned upside down.. and I believe that there is nothing I can do to fix it. My girlfriend and I had been together for close to two years. We have a four month old son together that has become my reason for life. I love him more than anything before. Im 31. I have wanted son and a famly of my own since i was in my early twentys. Which was hard to make happen when you work out of town for weeks at a time. I have found it takes a strong woman to be able to deal with that. So for the most part of my young adult life I have been a single man doing what I want, when I want. I focused on work and making money. Ive had the one night stands. There Have been flames here or there. But none ever worked due to my work schedule. I was never home. All but one ended with me being cheated on. So I had developed some major trust issues. I began to seriously question myself and the choices I’ve made, because, though I had fun living the single life traveling, nothing had ever worked. It was like I had a hole that needed to be filled I felt like my time was running out. I use to be a regular on Facebook so I could keep up with friends and family while I was away. While I was browsing I seen her. It was a feeling I had never felt before. She was the one I had always dreamed about. And we had actually gone to the same schools growing up but didn’t really know each other. I sent her a message telling her how beautiful she is. She did amature modeling. Her beauty litterly had my heart thumping. And to my suprise, she responded. We went on dates when I came home and I felt instantly that i had to make her mine. And I did somehow to my disbelief. We dated for three months.I felt like a king. I had found the one. She had a three year old daughter that i grew to love as well. I knew that I loved her but never said it. I was working up the nerve to say those three little words to her. But I never got the chance. She ended it with me with one text saying it was over. I left her apartment that morning, not before I gave her a nice kiss on the lips. I caught me by surprise. No reason. Just a text ending it. Wouldn’t answer my calls or respond to my texts. I tried for a few days with last text I sent saying ” since being apart is apparently what you want, I’ll give you all the space you need.” And I did. From that point on I didn’t try contacting her. I was heartbroken. For close to a month after, I was awaking every morning because I would be dreaming of her. It was just her face looking at me with this crystal blue eyes with a slight smile. I still remember it vividly. So I did what I could to pick myself up and move on. She never called me so I knew it was over. And I never tried to contact her. I went on with my life but she was always in my head. I couldn’t make it stop. Even when I started dating another girl. She was still there. It took a toll on the relationship with the new girl because she wasn’t what I wanted. We had an excellent sex life and that turned out to be all it was. I knew that our relationship had just about rum it’s course. So I prepared myself for the inevitable. Before it did though I received a message on Facebook from the one. I couldn’t believe it. She actually wants to talk to me again. I didn’t instantly message her back. I waited about a week. And that sealed the deal with the new girl. We parted ways as friends and kept the memories we had with each other. She was fun but in my heart I knew she wasn’t the one. So I messaged the one back and we struck it off again. She explained to me that she was sorry about what she did. She told me that she got scared with the feelings that she was having for me. She told me that she thought about me everyday and the mistake she made. She actually thought that i wouldn’t have taken her back. So this is close to a year and a half after the breakup. I thought i was the luckiest man alive. I had lost the girl of my dreams and she found her way back to me. I was head over heels all over again. It didn’t take long for us to realize that we both were in love. Man this is it. She come back to me and I’m never letting her go. I quit working out of town as much as I was and spent every second I had with her and her daughter. It was everything I always wanted with the woman I’ve always wanted. Well, almost everything. We were great together. The only issue She had issue was me not being as affectionate as she wanted. I was raised by a single dad for the most part of of my childhood. So affection wasn’t really a big part of growing up. I knew that I was loved, he made sure to tell me and my brother that regularly, and the occasional hug here or there but that was it. My dad was my hero. He taught us the ways of the woods and the waters like his father taught him. How to survive on our own. He is a great man and I love him. I make Sure to tell him every chance I get and I’ll still get that occasional hug. Any how, I did what I could to change for her and things were going great. Then three days after my birthday we found out we were gonna a have a baby! She was crying when she told me. I say “why are you crying?” She was afraid of how I was gonna take the news. I wrapped my arms around her looked into her eyes an told her that this was the best day of my life. Not just because we were gonna have a baby, but it was her that I would go through this journey with. Again I felt like a king and it was because of her. Now I was extremely happy. But I was also terrified at the thought of me being a dad. I don’t know how to be a dad or take care of a baby. How the hell will I pull this one off. That didn’t last long because I knew she would be there to help me. We decided then that we should move in together. We decided to rent and bide time to get everything squared away financially. Then after the baby was born and settled in we would start looking to buy. It was my dream coming true. We were so madly in love. I let her know all the time what she meant to me. I didn’t too much traveling after that. Here and there but I was home as much as I could be. I was working in town so that was good in a way but I wasn’t making the money I would be out of town. We had money to pay bills and get the things we needed but we weren’t able to put as much back like we wanted. But it wasn’t a big deal as we were still in good shape.I went to as many doc appointments I could. I think I may have only missed two due to work. I was in awe at how lucky I was to have what we had together. Then we find out that were having a baby boy! I was one proud papa a let everyone I could know it. I was in heaven. Her sex drive went through the roof. I defiantly enjoyed that. So here I an with everything I’ve ever wanted. A relationship that in my eyes I was undeserving. A 5 year old blonde hair, blue eyed sweetheart that loved me I believe as much as her mother and I did her in return. And the son that i have always wanted growing and getting ready to make his debut. I would ask God how did I get so lucky. It felt like a dream. So, she’s getting bigger everyday. Still wanting sex like never before. I would gladly oblige of course. But as she got bigger it started to… I don’t know the right word so I’ll just say it sated to weird me out. It wasn’t her at all. I was still attracted to her as much as before. But my son is right there. And it got to where I didn’t want to do it anymore because of that thought. That was probably around the 6 month. I would still let her know how much she meant to me and it want her at all. Of course she didn’t believe me. And that’s where it started going down hill. She had been taking zoloft for some time. Since before we were together. She decided to stop taking it in fear it would affect the baby. The doc told her she could stop around month eight and pick back up after he was here. She went ahead and stopped anyway. She startred becoming more irratable and started arguing with more over small things. Which caused me to slip back into my old ways. I would stay up late and pass out on the couch instead coming to bed with her like she wanted. I wasn’t having sex with her which made her think bad about herself. In hindsight, I should have just bit the bullet and made her feel good. I became worse about falling asleep on the couch even though she would tell me she wants to fall asleep in my arms. But I was a jackass and didn’t listen. She began to resentrance me more every day that passed. I would still try to tell her what she meant to me but she wanted me to show it as well as saying it. My loving remarks to her became less and less. The more she would complain about things the the worse I got. I finally wanted to be the man she wanted and it was to late. By then she was so upset with me we she didn’t care if I was next to her or not. She became more and more mean with the stuff she would say to the point it was almost hateful. Name calling, saying whatever she could to hurt me. I never called her any names or talked down to her about the way she was. But I could only take it for so long until I say something too. And I did. Regretfully. She almost didn’t let me in the room. When our son was born. Well after he was born it didn’t get any better. She held on to her resentment tword me for not being there like I should have been. And I admit that I wasn’t. So the baby’s home now and I am scared to do anything cuz he was just so small. I didn’t know how to hold a baby. So I was hoping for some help from her to teach me some things about baby care. That didn’t happen. She was still upset at the stuff I did or wasn’t doing. Oh. And the fact that I’m a heavy sleeper and couldn’t here the baby cry. It was to much to ask of her to wake me up. She said she didn’t understand why she has to wake me up to take care of him. I couldn’t explain enough that it wasn’t on purpose. I just don’t hear him. And I wanted to help her but I don’t even know how to hold him. She didn’t show me anything.. I had to figure all of it out myself. When I would stand and watch her to learn she would get mad and tell ” why don’t you get your hands out your pockets and do something” along with the dirty looks. I don’t even care to say half the stuff she would call me. Our relationship went from heaven to hell because I was not showing her the love she needed and really deserved. And she held on to that. Things weren’t getting any better. I started trying to do what I should have been doing from the start. But it didn’t work. It was to little to late. She hung in there four months into our sons life. We had argued quite a bit the first couple months but the it started to ease up. So I thought we were getting better and it was gonna be ok. I started helping her more around the house and with our baby boy. I spent more and more time with him and felt like we had that bond. The first time he looked at me and smiled i melted, I cried, and smiled back. I knew that he loved his dad. Everytime he would be upset i could get smiling with little effort. He wakes up smiling and just happy to be here. He had me by the heart and I loved it. It’s a love that can never be broken no matter what. It seemed as though everything was getting better. We still weren’t like we were but I was able to get those sweet kisses again. We were sleeping together again and actually was having sex again for the first time in was great. Then I needed to out of town for a week and complete a job for someone. I packed my stuff. Said my I love yous, and gave them all big hugs and kisses. I saved a special one for her. I got on my truck and left. Thinking everything is good. We’re gonna make it. That was the last time I will probably ever feel that again. I was there for 5 days. We had talked and texted the first four like it was supposed to be. But something happens with her that fifth day. Over night I went from having a loving family to having nothing at all. She said she realized how peaceful it been without me there. Which blew my mind. I thought everything was fine with us. But she started dwelling on how i had been in the past and decided I wasn’t worth it. She took all that was my life just like that. And proceed to blow my phone up with texts telling exactly how she feels about me which I don’t care to repeat. I’ll let you fill in the blanks if you want. I went from thinking I was loved again, because she would say she loved me, to being treated like im this terrible person that is lower than dirt. Like Im lying cheating peice of trash which neither of those describe me. But in her mind I am. Now here it is three days later I’m back home and I can’t even go to my own home. She dropped me like it was nothing to her. I am pretty tore up over losing her, and her daughter. But my son is the one that had gotten to me the most. My time with him will be cut by at least 3/4. I’ll end up a weekend dad which is exactly what don’t want. No more waking him up to see those smiles everyday or holding him when he needs me. I’m broken and don’t know how to fix it. I have cried an cried the past few days knowing that i won’t be in his life like I know he needs me to be and how i need him to be in mine. The crying hasn’t stopped and I don’t feel like it’s going to. I lost everything because I wasn’t man enough to realize that her feelings were the feelings I should have worried about and not my own. I was selfish. I acted like kid and got it in the end. I’m holding out hope but the things she said, and outright hatred I could her in her voice leaves very little. But I’m gonna hold to that little bit because it’s all I have left besides a broken heart. And in the end it all falls on me. I could have been a better lover and friend to the one ive waited for all my life. My dream girl is gone and it’s my fault. I still love her. After all she has said to me I do. If you read this pleas take heed to what I have said. Don’t let it happen to you. Listen to her. I mean really listen. Be a man and give her what she needs no matter what. If you have to deal with 9 months of grief then deal with it and make sure she’s happy and feels loved. If you still have time to make it right don’t hesitate. Do everything in you can. Dont just say you love her show her with action.Because believe me 9 months ain’t shit compared to a lifetime. I had to learn the hard way. Thanks for letting me tell my side of the story. Learn from my mistakes please.

    Oh and I’m not sure she ever started taking the zoloft again. But I’m not gonna blame it on that.

    • Joanne Krom says:

      Hi, Jj. My name is Joanne. I just read your reply to this mans whining. Im looking for help myself because im the woman that your wife was. Except ive been with my husband for 17+years. We has some financial stress and the fact that he never left his mother to have a relationship wi4h me so her influence of neg nature and her knowing and watching him wrapped around his dinger was always and to this day weve never been able to bond right. These lit5le happy pills dont do what only you can do. When yiu slept on the couch and didnt hold her yes it hurts so bad and I have to congratulate yiu on your honesty and the fact that you can be so hinest about it makes me believe your a very sensitive and sincere person. I believe my husband is as
      lso but like yiu he sits in the other room with arms folded trying to figure out his next wrong move while crushing my heart and ignoring me, I dont have to say anything he has a conversation in his hwad and already comes up with conclusions and just says im abusive. Thats his favorite thing to do say im a dumb ass and all kinds of other names and then when I ask please dont talk just hold me he says no your abusive, he doesnt realize hes talking about himself. So let me tell you that I went online and typed ” emergency men that come out to help a family stay together by standing for a wife to let the husband kno2 you should never ever say bad things and hurt her. As his mother has always used foul language and talked down to me everyday she even spreads rumore about everyone even her own kids very nasty but he feels sorry for her cause she makes him by repeating poor me stuff all the time. Almost 20 years with him saying yes mommy dearest. I cant even feel like hes ever been really a father or a husband. Shes even said to my face while talking on the phine, that he WAS her husband and gave me a nasty tilted forward look and then pretended to be misconstrued and said oh, oh,! I mean my son. With a peer of haha I hurt you again. I just think shes nuts. Anyway. I hope you never give ip on her and your family, my mother stayed alone for 10 years waiting for my father to come home. The statistics now a days with seeing so many families break uo is discouraging but not everyones like you. My husband has been given so manny hances for years now, no one to encourage him other than me or very far inbetwwen he willput on a happy face for my family which he never cares about. But hes in or should I say we are in desperate need of someone who will encourage him to be faithful and be a father and treat me right. Hes lost all knowledge of how to and hes never really had it, due to alcohol a nd by far taking me for granted. Ive raised 2 sons for him I have 2 daughters whom he has yelled out years ago, dont think he realized what he was sayingbut he said dont you see! Ive never once hit on your daughters in all these years” ???? Took me years and im still trying to undeestand what the heck that means but, hes come after me amd has left many scars here in cheating with hidden things and totally ignoring us allways. He thinks if he buys a meal that thats all it takes. He treats the dog better than us and thats fake too. Being hes a heavy drinker and hes not even trying to make it work just calls me names and leaves me alone all the time, never gives me money for years now and im at home with the kids he very sparingly gives us milkand vey cheap pasta occasionally some meat, ive learned to not want meat. But hes been so cold after allthe years ive taken care of him and his children and shows me no caring at all. We get so constipated because of no nutrients and water is mostly what we have, weve been so trianed to be conservative that I cant run the water without guilt. He akes 1.3k a week and our home is paid for. If your willing can you call or write me to encourage him and let him know hes broken my heart so bad that I am lost?? The worst thing if feel is to take a father from the children but he doesnt even care hes been saying it for years and I cant repeat the stuff hes said and did to scary horrible. Im scared hurt and hes been nothing like a caring person in so long and has and hangs out with single raunchy truckdriver men who just lost thier own families so hes gotta join them, thats his attitude. They dont drive him to the hospital when hes dieing from liver pain or pick him up in mid of jight and clwan jp his puke. I hate alcohol it destroys families and car wrecks rapes, ect ect ect. So yeah. Most men are to prideful to humble themself and really dedicate themself to make at least a single effort. As you had. Over and over. You are a rare breed. Now giving your wife the benefit of the doubt you may have been alittle more annoying than you made yourself sound.lolbut I understand you were raised with a strong respect for woman and your parents should be rewarded for that. No matter how it went as a child, im sure your heart is good by your caring for your own. Valiant men are scarce. And I hope no matter the situation that your son can say in a loving way that you daily let her know as wellas yiur sonthat you wanna comehome and weve matured now so we can do it right, a continued show of love and affection for them that doesnt end. You soundlikesuch a loving father but alwyas put your wife and her daughter as well your son in that order of honoring show of affectikn. Your so will see you honor the woman and youll teach him the most important thing in life sincere protective love for the weak. She may look strkng and act strong but when she was asking for you to hold her she was saying she knew you were stronger and could protect her the holding is to feel relief of fear and to rest in peace and security is one of the best things you could do for them. My wish is my husband makes a home large enoufh for my four children and a guest bedroom or 2 so my daughter who are out in the cruel cold world can come rest. My husbands alittle twisted in the mind and was raised with oerversion porn he watched his parents from the upstairs and shes got a very secular view on things. Opposite of my family. We are christain and even though I allow him to have me as he pleases and forfive him alot and shes jealous and tells him to basically screw her attitude, he all to often well all tge time uses me as a doormat and is rude very uncaring. Ide like to give you our # please feel free to rubb your intelegent manners of proper treatment, on my family. Us woman appreciate men who really know how to tell true feelings and are sincerely kind. Sept you dont put your son before your wife. Honor is when shes first. She knows and feels if your honoring. If you put her first everything works right. God first of course but hes in her eyes and for yiu only hers. Goodluck in an traditional irish blessing sort of way.

      • Lisa says:

        Joanne, we should talk, & if anybody wanted to talk I would, I wish someone would talk to my husband too, but everyone laughs everything off I’m not perfect, I have a lot of past issues, been married 22 years & keep giving chances, I don’t have trust, if I tell stuff, it gets throwed back in my face. I’ve given many chances to him but it’s all the same, the next time is the same way., I would really like to live as near to perfect but I’m afraid it’s too late but I don’t want it to be so I keep on at him but he & I just make it worse because we’re both pigheaded.

    • Joanne Krom says:

      My hearts so broken

  50. Paul says:

    One more on the list. I have all the same described above and am constantly belittled and attacked. After 2 years of this (it started after our second child and has continued through our third who was born a week ago) I have no self image left.

    A new one for the list is what happened yesterday. I attended a therapy session alone. I have tried to get us to couples counseling but most times it is only me. I figured that I need to talk to someone even if she can’t make it and she said she wouldn’t be ready to go again until a month after the baby was born. After the session I went shopping for an anniversary gift since our anniversary was today. I took off early from work for the session and was still home early even with shopping for a gift and card.

    She flew off the handle at me for going to see the therapist when she thought we could hold off a month and then for not coming straight home after to support her. She tells me afterward that she doesn’t want a gift and just wanted me home to help with the kids. This would be more understandable if we didn’t have a full time nanny and my mother in law weren’t in town.

    I love my wife so much but constantly being attacked and belittled is destroying my love. During our latest epic fight I mentioned that my love was waning a little because of the constant anger and hatred from her. Her response send in email after “It so sad that your love is fading for me. I cry a lot since I heard that. All I ask is please leave me before you cheat on me. I don’t deserve much but I hope I at least deserve that.” I have never cheated or had any interest, i only want my wife. All I do is go to work and take care of the kids. Minimum 2 days a week there is some crisis that makes me go to work late or leave early. When I used to be able to exercise I would ride an exercise bike with baby monitors on after my kids had gone to bed. Even in exercise I didn’t get time off.

    I am so glad I found this site, it makes me feel like I am not crazy and not alone. I hope to one day get back the wonderful women I married.

  51. Ben says:

    I’m so lost. Ok here’s my attempt to share my story. My wife and I have been married since 2004. She has cerebal palsy. Her disability was easily overlooked by me and we fell in love. At the time I met a young beautiful happy go lucky girl with a real hippy like attitude. She was great. Huge hearted, beautiful, and fun.
    Those were the good things.
    Then reality kicks in and life began to take us on a journey. As she continued in college to finish with a masters degree she got a great job. Now the once free-spirited fun crazy girl had to grow up. As a child she had to witness her mom and dad fight ugly and ended with divorce. She’s was mistreated and has tons of daddy issues. We started arguing. I’m super stubborn, right or wrong it’s just a fact. I’m really really stubborn, and the wife’s is even more stubborn. She wears the past daily. She creates her nightmare over and over again by putting in so much energy into being insanely upset. I defiantly have my part in the drama as well. And it’s getting worse. Each argument is reaching new levels of anger for both of us but it’s been getting to me worse. I grew up in a Christian family and was sheltered for years. When I left the church and discovered the Real World I wasn’t even ready. Well while I was bugged eyed and memorized with the world I met her. Unfortunately for her I wasn’t a good canadent for the world. It made me selfish and I would just go and do me a bunch. Playing poker and pool and drinking and smoking weed and just having an all around good ol time. Or at least I thought. The arguements just kept getting worse and with out stupid ability to communicate it would always turn into me leaving, and leaving her only would piss her off more. She fights so dirty. Gets so mean. I didn’t even know these cuss words until I met her. I’ve started getting really angry with the fights. Mainly mad that it’s happening, beg for it to stop. Once she see your vulnerable then she cranks up the crazy levels even more. We battled and battled with one another but we would always eventually make up. Then one day it happened. The yelling started after another pointless argument but this time it got bad. She got Violent ! She actually took her fingers and clawed me like a wild animal wripping my skin apart. It ended in divorce. after some time of seperation we just could t stay away from one another and got back together. Things were ok for awhile and then slowly began to spiral out of control. After years of wanting to be a dad we were adviced by the doctor for her not to get pregnant, we both had hope that a child would help us get along . Not the case. With her having a good gov job and her disability we decided that it be best if I stayed home and took care of our son. I was a care taker for years so the idea seemed great to me. Not only did I finally have a baby boy but I get to stay with him!!! Everything was great for about 3 months. The walls started closing in on me and after having worked all my life this sitting around began to break me down. The house we lived in was a project Home that turned into a nightmare. I needed to be fixing it but with the baby I couldn’t do shit. She would work all day then by the time she got home she would be worn out. Well at that point I had been playing mom since 4 am and everyone knows how teething baby’s are. So off course I’m dying to hand him off to her. Well she’s dying to see him and hold him , once in her arms the nightmare Begans. He can’t stand for her to touch him, breastfeeding never worked so that attachment was with me his daddy because I was here 24/7. So I’m handling 2 dogs and a baby in a unfinished house with a wife who acts like she hates me. So normally as soon as she gets home the fighting starts. Same ol fights but they have been getting worse and worse for me. I used to argue back a little and just walk out. Now I have the baby and she can’t handle him solo because of her disability. So I get stuck listening to the bs. Now I’m just a over the top angry person and it’s getting worse and worse. I’m afraid she will push me till I finally snap. I’ve never laid a finger on Anyone in anger and my daddy raised me right and that’s to not ever touch a women in anger. I’ve been on the verge of it so many times lately. The fighting is at an all time worse and I’m about to go nuts. Out of energy. Not wind in my sails. Drained both physically and emotionally. Unstable. The fighting in front of the kid is the worst part of it. I’ve become extremely depressed and have t been eating. She can’t even look at me wrong without me wanting to explode. With her it’s never been ok to be human and struggle. She’s
    A hard hard person with so many issues. I’ve stuck it out through years of drama. At the end of the day I have my son and it’s so awesome to have him but it’s being jaded because of the depression and drama. She’s pushing me so hard to try and make me snap . I have to go away I guess. Love my son but I can’t allow him to see our uncontrollable fights that are getting worse and worse. She blames me for everything saying I’m bipolar. Well if I was bipolar then whys she yelling at me and trying to provoke me? If I was crazy like she says then what’s that make her? Insane? Only an insane person would poke at a monster until he snaps. It’s beyond me. Now if I’m not crazy or bipolar and I am just a struggling new father who’s having an extremely difficult time playing house wife and taking care of my son then I’ve got the same question. Why push your baby daddy to a breaking point ? Ecspially when I’m holding the baby. The women’s finally won. I’m packing my shit and will have to leave my son with this crazy women because I don’t have anything. She’s has a rich family and they would win in court if I tried to fight it. Gonna miss my son. Makes me wanna end my life

    • Lisa says:

      That might be part of ya’lls problem, & it may be a solution. First off, you easily overlooked her disability, deep down you hurt her because of what you so easily did, she prolly feels like you don’t care about her for you not to take it (her health) serious so therefore you didn’t go the extra mile to help her stay healthy, if you’d have studied up & paid attention, she wouldn’t have had to continue with her disability all by herself as she had already been doing when she met you, she wanted you to care & love her & be concerned for her & talk to the Drs for her, in case she was having an upsetting day, not when she complained if she did but deep down, a knowing feeling from the love of her life, the one that promised to care for her cherish her for the rest of ya’lls life, a man & his wife is supposed to be best friends, do you understand now? I’m not judging, I’m trying to help you, & keep it up, no matter what she throws @ you, somehow someway be there for her, make her see that your sorry, she might need to be reassured for a little bit before she stops throwing things

  52. Maria says:

    To all the boyfriends and husbands out there. I am a mother that dealt with severe ppd after my last daughter was born. I thought I might be able to give you a little insight into what it is like living with ppd. I didn’t choose to be unhappy I just was. There were some contributing factors that was affecting it a lot and there were things that I felt that was no ones fault. My bf and myself were extremely excited to be having a family together when we found out I was pregnant, but it was rough from the start. I had severe morning sickness, the kind where you are nauseous 24/7 without actually getting sick. In my opinion that was worse than actually getting sick. There were days I was practically bedridden and needed help with my two older children (3 and 5 at the time) and there were times my bf was able to help and a lot of times he wasn’t because of the shift he worked (3pm to 1am). I don’t blame him for that. We had many disagreements and there were times my emotions were completely out of my control during my pregnancy. We finally got a home together and then my daughter was born. The issue that I believe severely affected my ppd is I wanted the birth to be a quiet one. I wanted people to wait until the baby was born to come visit and just let me rest a little. Even with a c-section I was extremely worn out from lack of sleep bc of a straight month of braxton hix contractions 5 minutes apart and the high heat from the summer. Instead I found his family had showed up at the hospital right after we did and I had to force people out of the room while doctors were giving me exams. I didn’t get any rest and ended up with such severe pain while being stitched back up that I had to be given 4 doses of fentynol(not sure if that is spelled correctly). I don’t remember what my daughter looked like when she was born or any of the first most important moment. What happened from surgery though is of course no ones fault. I then spent the next 3 days being poked, prodded, and feeding a baby that was called a cluster feeder every hour. On my last day in the hospital I was left there with the car seat to call my grandma to pick me up because my boyfriend went to a concert. That ruined me right there. Even though my bf apologized profusely and realized he had made a grave mistake the damage was done. I couldn’t look at my daughter without feeling anger about how the first most important moments were stolen from me. It was almost like PTSD. I couldn’t bond well with her and I was angry, tired, and I felt alone. I breastfed even though I hated it because I felt guilty for not being able to look at her and feel that overwhelming sense of love I felt with my older two children. I went to my doctor and she diagnosed me with PPD. I didn’t understand because I didn’t feel sad. I just didn’t feel anything if I wasn’t angry. We tried several medications that I could take while breastfeeding and none seemed to really work. Finally I gave up. I lost my energy and became overwhelmed with everything. Every negative thing that happened in my relationship stuck in my head like glue and I couldn’t let it go. Eventually without medication I started to get a little better after I quit breastfeeding. But it was and still is a struggle. I have yet to find that magic pill that makes everything better. My daughter is now 4 and I am working on my relationship with her and still working hard on my relationship with my bf. For all the husbands and boyfriends I hope this gives some insight. Some of my experience was avoidable and some was uncontrollable. PPD isn’t something I want to feel or experience but sometimes when I am angry I have to let my bf know. I only wish he could feel what I felt for the last 4 years so he might understand how I felt or what I went through. But it doesn’t really matter because if you or anyone asked me how to make me feel better I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone. Its a rough road and for the relationships that end because of it, the blame is not on just one person. The blame is that of both people who had trouble dealing with some almost impossible conditions that no relationship can flourish in and not all can survive. Do reach out for help. If she needs you to stay home to help instead of hanging with the friends you need to stay. If you get some kind of regular break make sure she gets it too. And no matter what love her in the most difficult time of her life.

  53. john says:

    My misses and I have a newborn only 3 weeks old, it has been arguing almost every day since, especially in the early hrs of the morning about 2 hrs before im meant to get up for work. My misses has anxiety as well as depression and now with our newborn she has post natal depression as well, she is struggle with her new role as a first time mum which is understandable but its getting out of control, when the baby cries for a while and we can’t get her to calm down after trying everything we know as first timers she will start to yell and swear at our baby to shut the f… up. I ask her to call a help line as I don’t know what else to do I’m fighting 3 forms of depression and just an average Joe I have no qualifications to help her properly, the best I can do is support her and comfort her and help with whatever she needs but its not enough and eventually we end up arguing. It’s getting really bad today we had an argument again, I tried to walk away from it but she followed me outside, I didn’t know it but she left the baby on the couch and after she finished yelling she went back inside only to find our baby had fallen of the couch, admitting I went off at her n threaton to calm child services, she then told me she will drop our baby if I called anyone. She needs help beyond what I can give, I’m so lost and ha e no idea what is the right thing to do, I love my misses and I know she is having a very hard time coping but I’m very concerned about our baby and her welfare I would love e some advice

    • CI says:

      If she threatened to drop your child, you need to call child protective services or the police asap.

    • Adam says:

      I would read this just for the good information because I didn’t know about these thoughts. If she is threatening to drop the kid if you do anything that’s not right and you should call somebody in to help.

    • chasing.a.dream says:

      You don’t deserve that, and your baby definately doesn’t deserve that. Take your child and get out. She needs more help than you can give her… she’s already neglected your baby, you have more to think about than just you. Your baby needs to be safe and bonding with at least one parent.

  54. Juan says:

    I swear me and you are on the same boat only i dont think my wife will ever change back to who i fell in love with. So this is my story….
    We got married had a baby boy within the first 9 months. During the pregnancy she told me that i changed but in fact she was the one who had changed. She started acting like my mother trying to control my everyday life. She went through my phone as if i was a child. She told me she didnt want me being on the computer or playstation or my phone playing games. She went through my browsing history on my phone and computer. She deleted all my game’s on phone and computer. She did alot more. Then we went to marriage counseling and she kept saying if she knew i was a “gamer” she would have never married me even tho she knew i did play games. Then i asked her why she changed so drastically and she blamed her pregnancy and i said ok some women get crazy i we had our son on the 1st of December and now she is even worse and she doesnt want to be with my family and always wants to go with her family. And when she is with her family she is almost an angel but when she is with my family the complete opposite like as if she is trying so hard for my family to hate her. Now she is blaming her mood on postpartum. I have been trying so hard on my part that i gave up all kinds of gaming i gave up on all my hobbies just to make her happy. Then the other day she got mad cause i was watching 50 shades of grey. Like seriously i feel like im getting treated like a child. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore or what to believe….
    So if anyone has the same situation or can give me any tips that would be great…

    • Johnny Bingo says:

      You need to start taking care of yourself. Not sure how you should do this, because it is easier said than done. It can be done however if you get in touch with yourself and maintain the connection steady and calm ( for the sake if your child). You need to consistently and calmly, with lots of patience streamline things so that your daily life with this woman is bearable and that you are content (and not an emotional wreck). Remember: steady wins the race/prevails…

  55. Mark Pribbanow says:

    Seems as though a lot of guys are going through the same ordeals as I am. Don’t need to go into deep details like most of you, so suffice it to say. Lord take me now !!!!!!! Give back to me the patients I was once known for. A fuse a mile long. A smile so bright I lit up a room everywhere I went. Help me to understand my feelings of regret, and show me the way back to happiness.

  56. ben says:

    Hi my name is Ben. My girlfriend had our son about a month and a half ago. Since then it’s been nothing but hell for me. She says she went to the doctors and they told her because she doesn’t take things out on the baby that she doesn’t have postpartum. But all the anger and i guess regrets are aimed at me. We live in separate house holds. And it’s gotten to the point where she won’t let my other sons are their new brother and she always starts arguments on the weekends I have my other sons so they won’t see their new brother. I’m to the point where i can’t take it anymore. Can someone pleas sugest something.

    • Shari says:

      I have anxiety and it sounds like that’s what your wife has she needs to see a psychotherapist ASAP !!! It will be a long journey but stick by her I still have bad days I pray for good days I pray that god keeps my husband in my life I wouldn’t know what to do if he left . Trust me she doesn’t want to be that way but if she doesn’t want to get worse she needs to get help !!!! I waited a year out and I regret I wish I would of went earlier . Just stick by her side you don’t have to kiss her ass but try to make things easy on and for her while she’s copping .

  57. Shari says:

    Please stick by her she doesn’t want to be that way coming from a woman who is just like her I love my husband and I’m sorry everyday for putting him through this but he’s still here and I can only pray to get better for him my family and myself

  58. Dave Nelson says:

    Hey, manim really sorry that you are going through what you are going threw I’m going threw the same thing for two years I have a son that is 6 months old . And my girl have not made it more than six weeks before I was kicked out of the house. I lived out of a backpack between her house and my friends. Thinking she would take her meds and would start them and then decide she didn’t need them. Its a fn nightmare. What I have found out on my end is she had a horrible 10 year marriage before of emotional abuse physical abuse and mental abuse. And to everyone else she s a victim. But really she pushes me to get that negetive attention. If you look up narcissism. And borderline personality. It will explain a lot. Good luck

  59. Mark fernandes says:

    I’m going through a similar situation now. My wife stopped taking her meds 3 weeks ago and my life has gone to shit. Everything my fault. Constantly moaning and saying how hard done by she is. This despite having everything she’s ever asked for. I can’t see things getting any better because she thinks she is OK. She clearly isn’t. Like you I question myself. She makes me feel worthles. And to think we are only 3 weeks down the line. I could potentially have a lifetime of this.

  60. FJ says:

    About to get separated. Married for two years and have a 15month old boy. My wife says I wasn’t there for her mentally when she got pregnant and the first 5 weeks after delivery. I have ADHD and I would always do anything she told me to or needed I even asked at times if she needed something. I was with her everyday and communicated with her all the time. I work 60 hrs a week, I come home, clean up, do laundry, get groceries. I was told I never listened to her or helped her with anything during those times. I am not a drunk or addict of any sort. I take meds and have therapy for my condition and I’m always trying to better myself. I help with the all the baby changing every morning and evening and also feeding and putting him to sleep at night. I get yelled at for not knowing things and even told I have no common sense. I always shut down after making a mistake and I just feel bad about myself and this was almost every day. I told her she should get help in a psychiatrist or any time of help and she refused and said she doesn’t need to. Every mistake I did was never on purpose I never did things intentional to make her mad or upset. I told my therapist that the day I talk back to her is the day she would divorce or leave me because I never talked back to her in a bad way. And rightfully so the day came where I was tired of feeling worthless and spoke up, and yup now she is leaving and we are arranging everything fairly. I never wanted this I always wanted to make her happy and I couldn’t make her happy. She refuses marriage counseling as it won’t help fix the problem. I tried as much as I could

    • Lisa says:

      FJ, we sometimes want you guys to do something, get something or just have a real deep down heart to heart convo because you actually want to, it’s confusing, we don’t want to really tell ya’ll all the time.

  61. Chris says:

    I’m (to an extent) glad to see I’m not alone. I feel for all of you guys. My girlfriend actually didn’t want kids. She’s also the kind of girl who’d never argue with her mother. Ever. The first couple weeks we’re supposed together I went to her mom’s house to meet the parents don’t and all. Lo and behold, her mother mentions wanting grandkids. My girlfriend made it perfectly clear that THAT would never happen. Months later my lady looks at me and says she wants a child. HER. The one who never wanted kids. She gave natural birth and during the delivery said she loved and would have my second child. Our baby girl is four weeks old now. For the past two my beautiful woman has started the arguing, blaming, etc of what comes with postpartum. She flat out says she loves me. But isn’t IN love with me. That she isn’t happy with me anymore. She’s talked to several people (as have I) who told her she has postpartum depression. She denies having it. Her excuse is that because she’s suffered from depression she would know if she had postpartum or not. And obviously that being brought up has led to more problems, making me the bad guy, and still wanting to leave me. Am I wrong about this? I know I’ve messed up before. Nothing horrible like cheating. I’d really like to hear (read) “you’re absolutely right” but i very much need the honest opinion ofwill others

    • David says:

      Hang in there Chris! Just remember, in most cases it’s the depression that’s amplifying things. My wife can pull complaints seemingly out of thin air, but the longer we cope with her condition, the easier it becomes to identify things that can trigger irritability and depressive bouts. A woman’s body and brain bears a tremendous burden during pregnancy and after birth. When my wife was having her worst bouts, it was always helpful for me to remember that she was NOT her normal self–her body chemistry was out of whack, and the words coming out of her mouth were only a symptom of that. We may have had a part to play in our wives’ depression, but we are not the sole contributors.

      Here are some rules of thumb that have helped me cope:

      Try not to argue, and if you must, keep your arguments solely based in logic. Don’t make anything personal, and don’t take anything personal. Keeping it logical has often allowed my wife to come out of a depressive/irritable bout.

      Keep an open mind in regard to treatment. We went to two different family doctors, a counselor, and a therapist. In the end, the one that did the trick was a naturopath. A good naturopath can address body chemistry and lifestyle at the same time. Depression often has roots in both. In either case, be ready to spend both time and money getting the help you need. Our experience was that family doctors knew nothing about depression; therapists and counselors were too gung-ho to hand out drugs and costly ongoing sessions.

      Listen to what your wife has to say. People with depression are backed into a corner (physically and mentally), and when people are backed into corners they will either fight (i.e.; take it out on the husband) or run away (lock themselves in their room); some of your wife’s complaints may have validity. They may just not be completely valid. Either way, she needs you to listen and understand her problems. Don’t dismiss them as wholly invalid. Tell her you recognize the valid points; tell her you value her opinions, and offer a logical perspective on whatever presents itself as out of proportion.

      Don’t push her to do things she isn’t game to do. This is tricky, especially if she isn’t game to getting help. The benefit of a good naturopath, however, is that it doesn’t have to present itself as the cure to “you are crazy and you need a specialist”; a visit to a therapist, on the other hand, comes with a healthy serving of mental health taboo. Find a naturopath who has dealt with depression and anxiety disorders; they can address what’s going on with your wife by framing it within whole body health. That might be a good way to help prod wife in the direction of getting help: whole body health is important for everyone, regardless of PPD. You might even call the naturopath for a phone consultation before having the discussion with your wife. They can give you input on how specifically they can help, and how you might go about discussing a visit with your wife. Again, look for someone who has experienced working with people who suffer depression.

      One last thing: if you can make it through this, together, it will likely bring you closer together than you have ever been. My wife has said some pretty nasty things to me over the last 2 years. I’ve even had objects thrown at me; we are closer now than we’ve ever been before. Best of luck! The more you understand about what’s going on with her, the easier it is to cope. The internet is your friend!!

  62. Alexandre Schneider says:

    Thanks God i found this website, i am not alone sweet Jesus. Keep strong guys.

  63. Lisa says:

    Paul, you shouldn’t talk anybody into breastfeeding, you need to be supporting her. Please start supporting her before she stops or the both of you will regret it. I do not know your situation but I bet there’s more to the story, some of my ways sounds like what you described as your wife & I know why I’m like I am. I have been hurt, abused, ignored etc., I could maybe talk to you to see if I could help both of you then you could go to a counsellor, or maybe you could go to one first without asking her to, or maybe you could go & tell her whether she wants to or not, you would like for her to, but if it would help you’d be willing & the utmost sincere & put your all into it she might just start going, I don’t believe in divorce & my husband knows that & I don’t want my kids to have step families, but I keep getting hurt & it angers me & everything when my husband keeps messing with me & not stop even when he knows what the problem is. I would really love to help the both of you, but everything has to be out. 850-336-2271

  64. FJT says:

    This is interesting. I’m currently trying to understand my own husbands point of view. See, this sounds like my situation except I’m the one that gave birth and I feel how you feel.

    My husband will do nice things for me but when we fight he throws them in my face and says really horrible verbally abusive things to me and I’m not supposed to be angry or hurt because he does nice things for me too. He criticizes my every decision and when I disagree with him he gets overly angry. I refuse to have sex with him while he’s a jerk. I just don’t feel like I can love someone who doesn’t treat me with any respect or dignity.

    Today our 2 month old needed vaccinations. We went and my husband insisted he not get all the vaccinations due, but that I should go back to the pediatrician in consecutive weeks. I said no that we were doing all of them because I needed to get them over with instead of hurting him week after week. The doctor agreed with me but when we got home the baby was still crying so he lit into me and even said he wanted a separation after he called me every name in the book. I told him to go away I hated him and told him to leave and I didn’t care where he went as long as it was far away from me. And this morning he was angry at ME because he washed some baby bottles but didn’t sterilize them so the baby was crying while I sterilized one and made the baby a bottle. I was up all night with our son and he said I should have sterilized them. Even though I wasn’t sure if he sterilized them or not I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong. But he took it as me accusing him? I think? I’m not really sure. I only asked why he didn’t sterilize them. That lit something inside him and it’s put me in a resentful mood since this morning. Then the vaccination thing happened and now he’s out doing god knows what with God knows who and I’m just relieved to not be fighting with him.

    So that was just today.

    • Lisa says:

      FJT, you sound like me, my husband, will build me up & tear me right down, along with other people because he’s went to others in the past, but don’t do like me & be ugly, yes, we’re still together for 22 years & it hasn’t been easy, just trying to help others, kids really do need both their parents together.

  65. Jonathan says:

    I too go through the same thing I honestly don’t know what to do one day she loves me the next day she hates my guts out son now is only 11 month and she us still acting the same way I need a way I can try to make her not feel like that

  66. David says:

    Reading this gives me some hope that i’m not the evil person my girlfriend has been saying i am.

    My girlfriend and i have recently had the most beautiful baby girl who we both love to pieces, since our little girl got here her mother has pretty much turnt against me saying i’ve been trying to push her out of our daughters life and that i’m such a horrible person (her mother has diagnosed mental illness so my girlfriend basically is the mother in their relationship) so this has made our relationship rocky at best, to start with my girlfriend defended me to her mum but that didn’t last long, as a result she was taking our daughter round her house leaving me sat there alone and for me that felt horrible, she even stayed the night to which i did get rather annoyed, we are currently living apart as it got that bad one night i walked out and stayed round my parents (probably not the best thing to do but i was just so fustrated and heart broken that she could say i’m a horrible person to be around) she’s living with her mum and i’m at my parents, not seeing the two people i care most about every day is killing me and it feels as if my lovely girlfriend is a totally different person, we tried talking the other day and she’s told me i’m not doing enough to provide for my family and that i’m lazy and unmotivated and need to prove to her that i can sort this out, alot of friends and family i have spoke to think she could be suffering with pnd but the problem is i don’t know how i can put this too her as anything i say at the moment seems to be wrong or she takes it the wrong way, i don’t want to give up on her and i refuse to, i just want some advice what i can do to either help her or say this to her

  67. I am in a waking nightmare. My wife has postnatal depression and, like comments above, one minute I am loved and needed and the next I am a bastard who she hates. This is played out in front of her daughetr.. My wife repeatedly tells me she is leaving and has had enough of this “toxic” relationship and I feel so alone. I cry every day and want her to die. I have grown to hate her moods and every conversation is a minefield. I wish I was dead. I have had a year of this and try desperately to understand but every time we gain some ground, the abuse begins.

    • Narcissistic Personality Disorder

      Look it up.
      Medication doesn’t work as advertised because the hormone imbalance is a result of a personality/identity disorder. It will mask symptoms. Possibly.

      This personality disorder happens when a traumatic injury is done to a person’s sense of self, I call it an identity hurt. Its and usually at a young age.

      And it doesn’t even matter if its remembered or not… this person’s personality, and brain development has been trained by that injury. Its actually a developmental brain injury. The brain now lacks the wiring for a normal relationship.

      THE BRAIN LOSES THE ABILITY to be wrong and attacks cruelly when a threat is perceived. A person like this ‘stays safe’ by belitting you. And the cruelty only escalates when its pointed out.

      Its always about who’s fault (and its never their’s) this person is on alert as soon as the attack is perceived the brain shifts into trauma response. And the incredible hulk goes on a rampage. Fighting dirty, compare to other husbands, subversivly drawing sympathetic supply from others (who generally dont love her like you do but it hurts you to see her care for their approval more than your own).

      This person is always needing to win. And you cant fight on thier level because you know its just plain mean. So … put up a boundery called, “I dont need to see myself, our story, and my performance through you”
      Take back yourself

      Re solving this issue:
      Neuroplasticity is a type of ‘re-training for your brain’ this can be the magic bullet. Get it from a legit and ‘normal’ specialist.

      Vital to healing is to also resolve the initial trauma. It MUST been re-written by adding outside perspective because she has only her own on the incident or matter.

      It is sometimes hard to find an initial identity injury… that could be because the original hurt was made against a grandmother and is transferred by chain reaction because hurt people hurt people…

      … betcha there is someone close that is the exact same… a mother a grandmother, dad? Instead of passing a baton its a knife. And it hurts getting it and hurts others by giving it.

      I write all this as my own type of personal therapy because I am in the exact same emotionally abusive situation.

      Francis Assisi said that love is felt best as it travels out from you to others (paraphrased). Its hard to love when someone cannot appreciate it. But it is still love. But guard yourself from abuse, thats my disclaimer. Abuse is abuse. It must be treated for what it is.

      P.S. if you try to convince her she is an NPD she will freak out and you’ll waste your time. Just rediscover yourself and do not allow your identity yo be formed by her words or her opinions.

      Your probably a great dad, husband, and I bless you friend to see yourself through the eyes of God who is the BEST father and full of love for you!

  68. Lisa says:

    David, I don’t really know your whole entire story, there are always it seems 2 sides, just reassure her, love her, treat her & your son & other kids if you have anymore like they’re the best thing that happened to you, & if you’ve messed up somehow, try to make it up to her like for instance, if you didn’t get her flowers when she needed them, get them for her not because she wanted them but because you want to get them, if you can’t afford them, pick her a bouquet from the wild, like if she didn’t get flowers for the birth, get her flowers on each of your baby’s birthdays, I don’t know why she’s on medication but for me I didn’t have any support or was not able to talk to anyone really, I had regrets about my past, I had trust issues & still do, then after my second baby was born I thought my husband was messing around, I still had people on my back & I just couldn’t take it anymore, finally I just stopped taking my medicine, I couldn’t do anything right whether I took medicine or not & just tried to stay away from those that bothered me. I had had a miscarriage years before my first baby was born & that baby wasn’t doing too good & all my mother in law could do was think about herself & the fact that she couldn’t lose another person right after her momma passing, she couldn’t even think about what me the momma was going through, & she’s still like that, it’s all her even to this day. I’ve had trouble since almost I married into the family I was never all the way excepted I couldn’t ever do anything with nieces & nephews but like 1 time in all my 22 years of marriage, but the other wives (daughters in laws) could, my husband never has taken up for me just made excuses well it’s me or they were just playing, or I take things the wrong way, & she never does anything wrong, actually none of them do to hear them say. Oh yeah & she also had the nerve to tell me that myself & husband shouldn’t be the one to have the boy in the family it should have been her oldest & his wife which they had girls & we have 4 girls & our last was a boy. I say my kids came from God. Pray for you, her & your son, if your not in church find one.

  69. Lisa says:

    Stephen, I don’t know what to tell you, & I don’t know if you hit her or not but don’t hit her & don’t wish her dead, she is the mother of your lil girl, don’t do this in front of her, my kids have seen a lot & heard, find the right person to talk to, if you have to, get counseling for yourself in marriage counseling maybe, don’t think about dying your lil girl needs you & so does your wife. Pray & read the Bible

  70. Lisa says:

    She also needs her Momma, ya’ll really need family counseling, with somebody that is gonna have the best interest & not tell you bad, she might need your support.

  71. Stephen M caffrey says:

    Why would you think I hit her?

    • Dee says:

      Exactly, Lisa is just apply an excuse that you must have done something to cause this. Stephen, you did nothing to cause this. Take care of yourself.

  72. Lisa says:

    David, I don’t know what is going on, but, your right, you shouldn’t have went to your parents, you needed to go to another room in the house, I don’t even know whether you guys live by yourselves or with someone, but you need to get by yourself & stop going to your parents. I don’t know what type of parents you have but most of the time parents are not the ones to talk to. Your right, she could be going through post partum, & just be there for her, yes you have to work, but be there emotionally too, if she is taking care of her mother that’s a strain on her not that she minds but just be there for her & she’s prolly hurting that she can’t have the relationship she wants with her & now it’s probably worse that she can’t get that bond with her baby daughter & grandmother, help her, be there for her, mentally. A mom goes through so much & it continues after birth also, & she’s prolly deep down worried that she might get like her mother, if she wants to take her daughter to see her mother, go with her, she took up for you to her mother, my husband has never did that for me. My own dad has taken up for my husband without even knowing the whole story & then when he did he said I was just like my mom. They’re divorced & he’s remarried, so his wife & her kids & my full brother are his glory. @ one time I was not with it, but the way people treated me, kinda made me a lil crazy, & I often thought I was being driven that way. It actually affected the relationship I had & later developed with my kids, because of that, my kids mean the world to me, but a few people could actually voice they’re thoughts that since other women hurt their babies I would too. That hurt me tremendously, because those should have known that I never would have thought too. My first born was having problems & stayed in the NICU for a few days & I was having problems facing the fact that I was gonna be discharged without bringing her home with me, & we lived far enough that I didn’t think I could go back & forth, & I couldn’t stand that, then it was a few days before I got to hold her, i saw her after she was born through holes in a incubated & they whisked her away. When I finally could go see her my husband would tell me not to pick her up because she was sleeping & @ the time I thought that was best, but now I know it wasn’t. Other people saw her & touched her before I did. His mom stirred junk @ the hospital on many occasions. His mom has constantly stirred stuff @ home too, when I finally said something oh boy

    • David says:

      No and i did apologize to her, The problem is where her mum has been in this unstable state for years its come between our relationship a few times, my girlfriend has cystic fibrosis and because of that the fact her mum has been reliant on her for 5 years now it kind of annoys me as some times she will be utterly vile to her daughter for no reason, but if she talks to anyone about it her mum would just never talk to her again so she just has to bottle it up and deal with it alone, i have tried so much to be there for her and support her, but everything has been twisted so much that my girlfriend actually hates me, since the first problem arose i have explained my self and she seemed to accept it but then would come back after going round and talking to her mum her opinion seemed to be twisted, so because her mum had a problem with me i was not allowed round there, since then its all gotten alot worse obviously at the time i didn’t know about pnd, the thing is i’ve not just spoke to my parents about it i’ve spoke to friends who have an outside perspective and they are all utterly shocked, but the trouble is my girlfriend has only spoke to her mum about this so its just made it worse and worse, we live apart now and she has basically said she doesn’t know if she wants to try with the relationship any more and hates my family, she’s told me i should apologise to her mum and i don’t feel i should apologise for something i’ve not even done as it will just give her more leverage to make more problems, my friends and family have told me i should just move on and let her do what she’s got to do but i just miss the wonderful person she was and its the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do, i don’t see any other option as i want to be there for her but she doesn’t even talk to me now and i just feel so empty without her in my day to day life but no matter what i say she just doesn’t want to listen or see where i’m coming from, i feel her mum is dictating everything she says or does and its just going to get worse, i feel the only option is to leave her to do what she wants for now and hope that she has a realisation like what have i done but i honestly feel i’ve lost that person for ever and its destroying me, i’m doing my best to keep positive but i find my self shaking so much because i’m overwhelmed with emotions.

  73. Lisa says:

    Are you able to see your baby, who is taking care of her & do you know for a fact that baby’s momma will take care of her & not let her be harmed? Would she allow her mom to harm her? Would she protect yall’s baby girl? Or protect baby? Or does she, the mom of your girlfriend make the decisions in the care of baby too? Stay positive! Don’t leave, because if you do you leave your baby too, but don’t stalk or harass or do anything to go to jail. I’m not telling you to take your baby from her, as I’m a mom myself, but she doesn’t need to be made into a game. Do not talk bad about her mom or grandma in front of her. Your girlfriend maybe torn & she maybe afraid of losing her baby & her mom, but she cannot have all that on her shoulders, do not talk to your parents or friends, sometimes they’re the worst to talk to, your girlfriend maybe embarrassed, she needs care too. She doesn’t need to be making any of the decisions for the baby. Sometimes it is best if people get away from their families. It is bad for the children like that but I had to stop going to my mothers house. I call her every once in awhile & she will call me every once in awhile & she can come to my house to visit with the kids but they’re not allowed over there. My mother in law is about there also, I will let them go to her house every once in awhile if it is just her there, but only for brief visits. Your baby really shouldn’t be subjected that kind of environment. Again don’t give up. I too have had many relatives to stir up trouble. My mother in law has numerous of times. I’m not saying the grandmother shouldn’t be able to see the baby but very well supervised, that’s not healthy for anyone. Get yiurself some family counseling for you & your baby, not for anyone else. I’m not gonna say that she will ever come back but @ least you will know you were there for her & your baby Yiur girlfriend may be worried that people will think she can’t take care of her baby. As a mom, I know what it is like to have someone threaten to take your baby & I know I didn’t do anything, but if people gang up on one, they will lose, because who is gonna believe one over many even they’re own family, & it doesn’t feel good, it takes the trust & that’s not good. A lot of people like to threaten that, people will lie to get their way & that cause alone will cause someone not to get help because they are afraid. Isn’t there anyone else to help with the mom, she needs to put herself & the baby first now. Maybe sometimes she just needs to vent. Girlfriend needs to tell mom, mom I love you & you still matter to me but my baby & I need to be first now. She needs to take care of herself so that she can take care of yall’s precious baby. As for her mom not allowing you over there I don’t know what to say, maybe stay away but girlfriend needs to be able to take care of baby while there, it doesn’t seem to stable, I wouldn’t have my baby around while her grandma was in that state dictating, making decisions. If grandma isn’t in her right mind, she doesn’t need to be making any kind of decisions & I would never want to do it to my mom, but I would put her in a home before I allowed her to hurt my baby & I hate to say this but it sounds like grandma is abusing mom by manipulation there comes a time when you have to take care of baby instead of grandma. Your girlfriend needs help for herself. What if she gets sick? Who’s gonna take care of yall’s precious baby? It would be abuse to leave baby with grandma. Again I do not know you but your parents are wrong for telling you to give up on your baby their grandchild. I also wouldn’t let my parents run the show either, take my advice, I am still married & have been for 22 years but it has not been golden either, I wanted to move years ago because we lived near almost next door to his parents & the stuff I’ve had to hear & been done to me, but my husband chose his parents & I’ve hated it, I wish things would have been better. For instance, I come from a divorced home, my mother in law suggested to make it easier, why didn’t we split holidays. Christmas example I could rotate each family in the years, ok I wasn’t to keen on that I really didn’t want to do my kids like that but anyway I said ok yeah sure, I could do my dad one year, my mom another year & them, my in laws another year vise versa, but she let me know, that just wasn’t gonna work, she wasn’t including herself no, no, just my parents being I was the one that came from a split home. She said it to me behind my husbands back, like other times & he never once stood up for me, years later he finally did but they assumed I made him, his sister has started stuff, & several others, my step sisters has once or twice sided with me until he faced them then they backed out. Bunch of back stabbers, she has made me out to be the bad person to my kids, so needless to say I don’t go around much. As for apologizing what are you supposed to apologize for? When I do speak up to my mil she tells my husband I’m disrespectful, why because I’ve decided not to take her garbage. She has even told me that my husband & I shouldn’t be the ones to have the boy her oldest son & his wife should have but she never said that to my husband. We have 5 children. 4 girls & our baby is a boy. I feel I have been very blessed by God. I wasn’t supposed to have been able to have babies but I did & no I didn’t have any treatments either. She got mad when I told her I didn’t want a shower & she asked well, you are gonna let us buy him things aren’t you? I replied yes & only little has been bought. Years before our oldest was born, I actually had an ectopic pregnancy & @ hospital our oldest was sick I didn’t even get to hold her, I barely saw her in incubator, she had swallowed meconium & others were allowed to see her & touch her first, it was awhile before I held her because every time I went to see her she was asleep & my husband would tell me it would probably be better if we let her sleep, I was facing being discharged without her coming home with me, we couldn’t afford to drive back & forth or so I didn’t think so & I had on my mind what if something happened to her or if people would think I abandoned her. I had so much on my mind. My mother in law had previously lost her mom & all she could say was she just couldn’t handle another loss. WHAT? I’m the one that just gave birth. I could say more but I want this time. I have more stories. It’s time for your girlfriend stop stop being manipulated. I really hope I’m not messing up by saying this but it seems that it would be good for the time being for her to get someone else’s help the right way & not abandon her mom, but to get her & the baby away from her & stop the games & the manipulation. I just bet mom would pop out of her mental state of mind. I’m not a professional but I think after mom cools down she’ll come around. Just leave a # she can get hold of her daughter when she cools down. & girlfriend needs to tell her that when she cools down to call that she will not unless it is like a holiday or something & then keep it short & if & when she calls & starts the same stuff remind her that she loves her but she will not play into her anymore & hang up & continue to do so until she stops manipulating. But also tell whoever is taking care of her what is going on & the # & also leave a second person the same # in case girlfriend needs to be contacted & keep in touch with those other people & get updates. It seems to me that the mom is abusing your girlfriend. Maybe you could tell her that you wouldn’t take & keep girlfriend away but that she needs a break. It’s not healthy. STAY POSITIVE & don’t walk away but keep yourself healthy. If you don’t have a church already find one, if you can’t afford a Bible, find one & look up Jeremiah 29:11 in either King James Version or New International, preferably the first. Don’t lose hope. It will be hard but keep your head up. If somehow your girlfriend wants to talk, I’ll try to answer back. I don’t always check my emails. Good Luck! Pray for your baby, try to raise her in church, cherish her. Split childhoods aren’t pretty. But don’t get abusive, always love the momma to your baby & be gentle & understanding. Now, I will say, I don’t know how old you guys are & your situations but respect your parents & her mom too, if you can, but put your baby first & don’t forget to put baby’s mom first too. Don’t let your love die, keep it alive. If you don’t have the money for flowers, pick from the wild. Treat your daughter & your girlfriend how you want to be treated. Show them how they’re supposed to be treated. Let me know how you fare & if you think I’ve helped or confused. You have your baby, don’t regret her you can regret the situation but not her. You guys might not think you’ve done anything but whether it’s just a misunderstanding, we’re not perfect. Maybe you could apologize to her mom that you & her daughter disrespected her for sleeping together before marriage, not judging you, I’m also not perfect but again I am a mom of 4 girls, & I have made plenty of mess ups, just trying to help. It’s not just the guys, it’s the girls faults too, now try your best to make her your wife & stay married. There are so many kids being torn apart these days. Again, Stay Positive, Keep Your Head Up & Don’t Lose Hope! It’s your job to love that precious baby girl & take care of her now.

  74. Lisa says:

    I didn’t say you did hit her, I said I do not know if you have or have not. But did you not say you wished her dead? That is very nasty. You really need counseling for yourself. I do not even know you. I’d lol to think I could in some way help, but maybe you don’t want help, you just want someone to side with you. Nobody but a counselor could possibly give you what you need here because we only know what is being said by you. We none are perfect neither are you, I’m not saying you did anything, but I do think you jumped to the assumption that I thought you hit your wife. I do not know what she or you have done. We all do something if only we misunderstand something. You can’t post that you wish your wife was dead & expect others to think your innocent. Why has she been depressed? It could just be something that happened to her. I don’t know I’m just thinking. You have your baby, love it. Thank your wife for having your baby. I’m not judging you, I’m just asking, didn’t you know some women go through that, if not then you should have looked up before or during her pregnancy about stuff like that. Your married now with a baby, love it & try to understand your wife, a woman goes through a lot & sometimes it doesn’t end with the baby’s birth, it could be the way she birthed it. I don’t know, just saying if she had to have c section she might think she’s not whole that she had to have c section when she really wanted to have it natural. My husband told me that he was glad that 3 of ours was scheduled c section but it hurt me, because I wanted mine to be natural & they were not, sometimes women feel excluded when other women have theirs natural, none of my pregnancies turned out the way, I wanted but he didn’t understand, in a way I felt incomplete because my first two, they checked me into hospital after dr appt. my second of 5 live births was emergency c section after like 35 hours of labor. I had no one to talk to that would actually understand just what I went through. So even if something was a small misunderstanding to you must’ve meant something to her, but it reLly doesn’t excuse bad behavior on any one. I’ve been married for 22 years & no it hasn’t been golden but I do have my kids, my husband works. Could it be worse? Yes Could it have been better? Yes sir, positively So don’t be acting like you haven’t done anything because we are not perfect. Ya’ll both need to pull it together for your precious baby. That baby doesn’t deserve the fights or the bad thoughts toward its Momma or Daddy. What it does deserve, is both its Daddy & it’s Momma. You knew she was already having problems. Go find a family counselor or @ least a godly person on a park bench somewhere that doesn’t know any of you. Hold your heads up, I know it can be hard.

  75. Lisa says:

    How are you David, just wanted to check on you, your baby & your girlfriend. I also wanted to check to see if your girlfriend was active, because if she isn’t, you could help her get active, I have read that that actually does help clear what they might need clearing. I also wanted to tell you & not scare you but she may be scared & afraid of losing her little baby, if she was to get sicker, she may be afraid that she might not be able to afford medical care for herself if she ever had to have a lung transplant. She may have been told for years by her Mother things that aren’t true. Go to her dr appointments with her, study up on cystic fibrosis. Understand it & the many different cases. There is a book I believe by a man that was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis as a child & if I’m correct, his dad went against the doctors, kept him active, & in his adult years, I think he just turned 60, or older, but he anyway he stayed active & he said it helped him, he’s had a transplant & 3 months later was running in a race. If your not active get active with her. If you have to, ya’ll move away together & just visit for occasional visits & holidays. I don’t know your parents But, if they don’t like her, stop telling her what he said she said, & let both sets of parents know that they can come for visits. I’m not saying avoid them, call them every once in awhile, once a week or something until ya’ll are by yourself & everything is improving, if she gets sick & can’t clean for a lil bit, clean for her if someone pops over uninvited, & they tell you things, don’t tell her, you take up for her, because no one understands how one feels. Even depressed people do not want to do anything it’s not that they’re lazy, it’s just they can’t. Ya’ll get out, go walking, take your baby out, & get some fresh air. Marry her, cherish & love them. They’re your family now. What about your girlfriends dad? What I’m trying to say is, we do not know how long we have with each other, make those times count in the positive, where you have no regrets or what ifs. She is definitely scared, she may not have told you. I would be & have been & no one understood, so I kept it bottled up. I have also been afraid, someone would take my heart & rip it up, by taking my babies away from me. Pride is wrong but that’s what I have with my babies, I couldn’t function. I had my in laws ganging up with my husband & how is one to keep her kids when others are lying. It got to where I was keeping a journal on what went on @ their house & visits. I don’t believe in divorces, so don’t just go out & marry her just because, everybody has to be on board th help people stay married these days, & yes your parents need to help her not just you. I would even talk to her if @ any time she needs someone else’s opinion. Your baby comes first now, then each other, then the parents. Now if the girlfriend is sick & you want to go play, no the girlfriend comes first. But I also will say you & her as parents need to be priority too. Date night once a week, even if you can’t afford it, there are always a movie to rent. After baby goes to bed, get popcorn or whatever you would want in a theater & you know everything else, turn phone off, no distractions. Take your baby out. Go to things, walk in state parks, to the play parks, just do something. Also, I’m gonna do the what if on you, What if something happens to your girlfriend, who will take care of your baby? What if something happens to both? Do not agree just with either parent, because some parents believe it or not do not always have the best interest in mind for themselves much less for others, you guys make it joint, where it has to be all grandparents agreement, from they can’t agree then go to a counselor to get help, but I would not, if that lady is as crazy as you tell me she is, I would not let that maniac be the sole caretaker of my baby, if I could help it. I hope you are doing good with yiurself. STAY POSITIVE!!

  76. Jonathan says:

    guys forgot this little gem too

    I started seeing a counselor just to keep myself straight and get some useful feedback

    She found out and got mad at me and demanded to attend the counseling sessions “because I will just lie about everything and this counselor needs to know who I really am”

    Everything gets twisted around and you can’t win – I am 2000% happier now away from her

  77. Noel says:

    My girlfriend of 9 years with our second kid left me. I am trying get to mend things but we argued and had some many bad times I believe it is impossible. She has said that she gets a head ache and feels nauseous everytime she talks to me. She has said she prayed at church for strength to leave me. I want to know if this pd could be a factor to her rage for me. I fat from perfect and was not there emotionaly but I regret everything decision I made. She is now leaving the kids with her mom and going out to bars and not coming home until the next morning. I am crushed and want to know if this is something that can be caused by pd.

  78. David says:

    Well my situation has gone from bad to worse now, My now i assume to be ex girlfriend has blocked all contact with me without any reason what so ever, it has now been over 2 weeks since i last saw my daughter and it is breaking my heart, i can not go round and see her at my girlfriends mothers house as i feel it will just make the situation even worse or i would have abuse hurled at me, i have arranged meditation but all i want is to rectify this situation with the mother of my daughter as i still love her dearly, unfortunately she has been turned against me and i believe her mother is solely responsible for this, it baffles me as surly you would want your daughter to be happy and be with the person she choose to be with, i am trying so hard to stay strong through all this but its not been easy, i have cried so much over these last two weeks i’ve actually forgotten what its like to feel joy, i know this will eventually get better i mean …. it has to right ? anyway that’s the short version of my situation now.

  79. Lisa says:

    I’m sorry I haven’t replied back before now. I have been preoccupied with family issues. I really hate that you’re going through this, I can’t imagine what or how you’re feeling. Why has she totally stopped? You need counseling not really meditation. Is your daughter safe? I don’t know the laws where you live, but her mom may need extra help. It seems her mother has serious issues if she thinks she can take care of her daughter & granddaughter. Just stay Positive!!

  80. Lisa says:

    You also need to Pray, read a Bible, find a church to go to, & not just for hard times, continue through the good times & do it for you & your baby. Meditations can’t give you everything, God can. Go to counseling, for you & your baby. You need visitations, even if you have to willingly go to her moms house for them & assure your girlfriend that your not taking or thought of taking your baby but you do need them & your girlfriend needs to choose between the care of her baby & her mother. She shouldn’t let her mother manipulate her baby. Let her know that you do not intend on letting that woman abuse her either even if you have to report the woman. Do not harass, go through the right steps. It’s touchy because your girlfriend needs to talk & trust but @ the same time you have to report stuff then your girlfriend feels betrayed & can’t trust. Please go to counseling before you lose your baby forever. Because if it gets out that you should have reported something & you didn’t, they might could take her. Not trying to scare you but just go get help. If your girlfriend wants someone to talk to then I’ll talk to her too. I don’t know either one of you so I might could help both of you. If your girlfriend gets to where she needs help who is gonna take care of your baby? That grandmom isn’t, so you need to be there & if I could help it, I would not let someone mistreat my kid, I would just tell whoever that your welcome to have a grandma relationship as long as you act right & treat my baby right but if you don’t well then I don’t intend on keeping you away but I do have to protect my child it is your responsibility to but it is also yours to handle your family as well, it’s not okay for you to allow your family to abuse either Put your child first that’s not saying don’t take your baby momma out just saying if you don’t have anyone to trust well then you might have to date with a baby.

  81. Billy Ray Bagwell says:

    Paul; Dude all I have to say is, I’ve been dealing with every single thing that you have mentioned, going on 18 years now. We have 5 great children now and we both love them greatly. Just last night my wife went off the hook,because she wants another baby in a few years, and I’m all for it only if we can purchase this new and bigger house that we so desperately need. We have out grown our little house years ago. See we need to pay off things, and to purchase a few things before that can happen. You see we got married very young ,and I’ve made my share of marital mistakes “not like infidelity or anything of that sort”. Just life ,my space, your space and her money. See she just graduated college last year with her nursing degree, and I’ve been supporting our family from the beginning even as of today. With my failed financially challenges in our marriage she sees it as I continue to support our family, and budget just my income while see sets up her on checking account at another bank without me having any knowledge of ,so she can spend as she says as we need. I do still love her very very much. She’s beautiful, intelligent, loves our kids greatly,and makes sure they get what they need. She loves me for a day are so than she’s unhappy and wants a divorce. Then loves me again. Have to understand something ” loves me,but not in love with me”. Someone else already has her heart and she’s sorry that she can’t help that . Even tough I’m told that she really looooooves me and glad I’m her husband. Been told this for years. WTF really. You see it’s very hard to plan a future for our family, because I don’t know when she’ll leave, and I don’t want to plan a life without her in it or involved in it, that would be wrong. So Damn if you do,Damn if you don’t. I would like to have another child, but not until our crap is together. Our future is lined up and the space that we’ve always needed. I know babies come when God wants you to have them,but not until she has her tubal reversed. That’s my and her mother’s fault as well. She tells me she was so neglected has a wife and mother, and not able to give and do things for our new born children “like a new nursery, new clothes, and all the things that I’m sure all new mothers want. Me I’m very sorry that I could not give her everything that her heart desired, I’m sure that every husband wants to, I just wasn’t that financially capable, and I live with that in the back of my mind every single day! I’m sure all spouses want to give there wives the moon. Hell I wanted her to have the universe! At this time in my life, I look and see my beautiful, wonderful kids, I have my own business to where I can be active in there lives, and a wife who might love me at times, but I’m not alone.

  82. thankyou says:

    I would just like to say THANK YOU to the men who have stuck it out with their wives. As a mom of 2 and soon to be three. It is rough. Some of your comments sound like they are coming directly from my husbands lips. It’s HARD there is no doubt about it. Hard for you and hard for her. The GUILT that the mom/wife feels is oppressive. Not just the guilt from the feeling like a failure to provide “properly” for her children, and cope with being a mom but the of knowing that she is failing her spouse and he is having to carry the family. Sometimes the lashing out and the harsh words temporarily validate those feelings until the guilt comes back when she realizes she’s hurt the one person that is truly there for her and her family.

    I breastfed and I took antidepressants. They helped but didn’t solve everything. I am aware that in 3 months time we may be back where we were after my previous 2. So men, please stay strong. If you are a praying man, pray for your wife, for strength to carry her when she needs you to. Whether she is pushing you away or dragging you down. Please also find someone that you can unload on that is not her. As difficult as it is to bear your soul as to how hard your life is and how much your marriage is struggling it will be worth it. Find someone who is supportive and encouraging.

  83. Lisa says:

    It would also be best if you didn’t confide in family or friends unless they’re gonna keep lips closed & they’ve been through that & gonna give you the best sound advice & maybe no advice just listen & who is not gonna jump on your band wagon but be for both of you. Maybe a good person on a park bench & tell both sides not just hers, if you can’t afford a family counselor. Thank you for telling those men what you said about being patient & praying. That is what everyone needs, is prayers.

  84. Maintaining with your prescriptions, exercising frequently and making wholesome meals selections can feel

  85. LEE says:

    since the 3rd month of my wife being pregnant i have suffered from verbal abuse and at one point physical abuse from the hands of my wife, we have 2 young boys and our expecting our 3rd very shortly now, she has physically strangled me, wishes i was dead, tells me daily she hates me and is only with me for the kids, has threatened to stab me in my sleep and spat in my face. at first i just used to sit there and take it but as it got worse i argued back with her (never laid a finger on her and never would) i feel at the lowest point in my life right now and sometimes wish the same thing she wishes for. really dont know how to continue like this, im really excited for the arrival of the new addition to our family but with her threats of taking my kids away and me never seeing or getting to know the new baby really does dampen this what should be a special time.

  86. anonymous says:

    Whatever the root causes of the depression in these women, it has caused them to behave in a narcissistic fashion.
    After our son was born my now ex-wife began to hate everything about me after having been a very loving and understanding partner to me. She hated EVERYTHING about me. She complained we never did anything together, that she was bored. Truth was, we did LOTS of things together and she was miserable and hateful the whole time, every time.
    Then, an old, unkempt, disheveled, bankrupt boyfriend of hers dumped his wife and kids and she promptly dumped me for him, telling her friends she loved him more than anything or anyone ever before in her life. The had been sneaking around for four years, having sex in crazy places, going out of town in the car I bought for her, sexting each on the cellphone I paid for etc., etc. She didn’t work at all. Being a supportive, committed, loving wife and mother just wasn’t enough fun for her.
    She STILL lies about the true nature of their relationship but I know they are planning to get married in a year.
    I was patient, loving, caring sharing, compassionate, empathetic…
    …I loved her completely and unconditionally. All it did was make her resent me for what she believed to be my “superior” qualities to her. Utter nonsense- I never looked down on her at all- it was her perception. Therefore, she found someone “beneath” her to fall in love with. She doesn’t have to tear him down to make herself feel elevated. He doesn’t threaten her false façade of herself that she portrays to everybody. I tried for two years to save our marriage, I am devastated, our son is devastated, and, yes, she is now getting bored again. Narcissist.
    My point is-
    There is no fixing these people. Only they can get help and they won’t if they think they’re OK. That’s another bad thing about them-
    they think everybody thinks just like they do!!
    The only person you can fix is yourself. I gave my marriage my all. It nearly killed me when she just dumped me without a second thought. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING I could EVER do would fix her. My desperate efforts at reconciliation only amused her. While she was joyfully having sex with him in his bed, I was crying in mine for over a year. DON’T DO THIS TO YOURSELVES!!
    YOU CAN’T FIX HER! Fix yourselves. The person in control of any relationship is the one who is willing to leave first.
    In my case, she left me but I didn’t leave her. I clung to hope that she would get help, that she would listen to me, that we could reconcile, but it was all just a great bunch of fun for her to bait me and dump me.
    I decided to leave her, even though she has already left me. All her efforts to “stay friends for our son’s sake” I see now are just her tactics to keep me agonizing and prevent me from moving on. “Hoovering”
    There is no fixing these people. They are evil.
    Anyone in such a toxic relationship needs to find strength and leave them behind when they dump you. Be there for your kids but don’t let them control you through your heart. That’s all they’re doing for no better reason than to get their jollies by slowly torturing a good person to death. Literally making you into their “Jesus Christ” to project all their wickedness on and then sacrifice.

    • Jason says:

      Brother, you speak the truth. This is my 2nd rodeo with the post pardem narcissist. I will not stick around long enough for this one to get physically abusive.

      You cannot change them as it will be all downhill, which is a terrible thing to realize and admit. I haven’t married my current daughter’s mom because she’s done the same thing as my ex wife in the same order.

      The first time around, after we miscarried our son, after all of my dedication and support, ignoring my own pain, I became the punching bag- first verbally, then physically. And I let her do it because thats what a good man does. I clung on until the very end when she threw me away for a 16 year old boy.

      And now here I sit, researching the behavior. I have raised both my step daughter (though I do not speak of the step part) and my baby alone. And made excuses every part of the way. And things have gotten worse and worse over the passed 3 years. I will NOT be abused and thrown away a 2nd time.

      My point is that these men here need to man up, realize that there is no happy ending, and take your children out of that toxic environment.

      • Dee says:

        I unfortunate thi.g is, in most cases, these women will be awarded some level of custody. In some cases, all of it, depending on how good they are at manipulating the people around them.

    • Dee says:

      Amen brother.

  87. John M says:

    I want to make sure you focus on your daughter and your mental and physical health

    After twenty years never gets better just do not let your self go cling to positive outcomes everyday

    God bless your health, do not let anyone drag you thru mud after your daughter is old enough move on best just to deal with being an insider

    DONOT get involved with lawyers speak only to people that love and know you and not your wife

  88. Nelson says:

    I have a girlfriend and we had our first child
    1 year ago before and during the pregnancie
    She was a normal female was most of the time happy and loving..
    Well I didn’t wanna belive it but she got postnatal 2 months after having the baby. I was working and my mum was overseas for 3 and her famaly wouldn’t come over to help and me working it was all on her to take care of the baby during the day..
    It got bad at one stage she would ring my work nearly every day crying and I’d have to go home I’m very grateful to that company they but up with it for a year but then it came to an end with me losing the job..
    I know somtime I would say the wrong thing to her after her going at me leting me know she dosnt want me and that I was the biggest mistake of her life.
    Well now our son is 1 year old and she has left me and my son for the third time and don’t know were she has gone ( but I know she is save with her gf) I’m at the end don’t know what to do she was taking anti depressant but has stop and I don’t know when either..
    I love her and want us to stay together so my son dosnt have a weekend mum or dad.. Please help I’ve got no support from her famaliy I’ve just got my mum but she is 68 and dosnt need this in her life as well…
    I want to help her so we both can work together on this

    I hate postnatal depression………

  89. Jason says:

    It’s been almost 3 years since my angel was born. Things started almost immediately after she got pregnant with our 2nd (our first is my step daughter whom I have been with since birth). While I do not let her treat me like some of the stories here, she is not who I fell in love with.

    She has become a selfish lazy narcissist and I sit here tonight debating with myself if it is time to pack up my two children (one of which is my step daughter) and leave. The fact is that I have raised my two girls practically alone. I pay the bills. I clean. I cook. Ibwould even come home after working two jobs and massage her while she complained about how hard her life is.

    It took me a very long time to see this, but I am a good man, a terrific father and a wonderful husband. I suggest that the rest of you fathers take a look in the mirror and stop making excuses for the narcissists that you enable.

  90. You are ot alone.. Im going through the same.. I dont know if i should just get divorce.. Or continue to be here for her..

  91. Brad says:

    Well buddie to be honest with you you need to leave i spent 10 years in a relationship that sounded like yours my wife had was mentally abusive to me and even had me convinced it was me she tried to turn my family against me it got so bad that i tried to commit suicide obviously it didnt work but shortly after that i knew it was time to leave but i spent so much time in this relationship that i have no self estem left i dont know if ill ever come out of it or if ill end up trying the suicide again but my advice to you is she will never change do what you can to make it easy on the kids and leave her

  92. Robert says:

    I can agree I’m going through a rough time time right now also it’s hard I love her, and she just doesn’t want to be touched or kissed or even complemented by me which sucks.

  93. A sad dude says:

    Same here brother. My partner to a tee. One minute I’m a great father and the next I’m scum.
    God forbid I should react to her abuse and tell her how it makes me feel, that just makes it worse. She can’t stay happy for more than a 2 day period and then it falls in a heap and I’m back to asshole status again. My son is the light of my life, apart from not wanting to leave him with her, I know how much a child needs a father at any time let alone these formative years. So I can’t leave her.

    It’s a lonely place

  94. Eric says:

    This story is literally my life since my girlfriend gave birth. There isn’t a single part of this story that differs from my own. I’m struggling if anything mine is even worse.

  95. michal says:

    My girlfriend after giving birth change so badly that I start to hate her. I love her so much but she has changed. She became aggressive and abusive. She don’t see what she is doing. She trying to make me guilty about all her behaviour. I feel powerless and tired. I really don’t know what to do. Each day become worse than before. How I can help her if she don’t see the problem? How I can be with her if she hurt me physically and mentally?

  96. Lee duffy says:

    Great stuff reading this mate ! Has really helped me a lot just having someone to relate too me like yourself also has a gf who suffers with depression long time before the pregnancy but we have never got to the bottom of it or found a correct way of handling any of these issues ! I honestly thought the pregnancy would be the hard part and once she’s had him things would get easier I work 56 hours a week and I pay all the bills rent etc while she sits bk and just basically gives me a dogs life ! Everything I do is wrong I get no sympathy no food and if I’m not well , recently had a bug , was screamed at for whining , when really I thought I was going to die (really bad pain) my son is 4 weeks old and I’m trying my best for him I really Am ! Working every hour god sends to support and provide wile she sits on the doll and still has more to spend than me it’s a joke ! I go the gym with a pal who’s gf is friends with mine but she finds this really annoying she can’t stand the fact that I have a hobby an somewere to go to get a bit too of piece and actually do something positive with myself but ohh nooo to her friends and mother I go out for a jolly I’m never their with my son and I don’t do nuffin around the house which is far from the truth and I only started going the gym because she called me fat !! I can’t win and feel like I’m goin around in circles with her !!! Somebody help me !!!!!

  97. Dmac says:

    Me and my gf had a baby 10 months ago, we had been together for 3 yrs and had a good relationship, we were both delighted when she became pregnant and couldn’t wait to be parents, once pregnant the sex stopped for fear of miscarriage and then after the baby was born she was too sore so our sexlife died for over a year, 4 months after his birth and with no intimacy at all, being constantly tired and no sleep we soldiered on, in the hope we would rekindle our romance, she then decided a 2nd baby was wanted and that she should come off the pill, one month later she turns and says she’s no longer in love and moves home to her parents, I’m heartbroken and it all feels a bit unreal, I know it wasn’t great but not this bad! She’s now said she’s happy without me and just wants it to be her and baby, does this sound like post natal depression to you?

  98. jr567673 says:

    Hello, I’m in the U.K. Following the birth of my son I suffered with post natal depression however I sounds from what I have read here that my situation was not as bad as the wives of the husbands writing on here. I too struggled with breastfeeding and felt like a complete failure that my body could not do what it was meant to do.
    The husbands on here are brave but my husband wasn’t. Instead of supporting me my husband turned into a bully from literally the minute the baby was born. His attitude was so bad the doctor has to tell him to shut up and this was in my hospital notes. My husband would use every opportunity to tell me I was nuts and I truly believe he contributed to my depression.
    My husband left me when my baby was 14 months old and finally I don’t feel depressed and feel like a huge weight has been lifted.
    I think what you guys are doing is superhuman. I keep thinking that maybe if my husband was a patient as you then we would still be together but instead he continually berated me, was very selfish and put his own needs before the needs of his family.
    If any of you are considering leaving, please try to put yourself in your wife’s shoes. It hard for her to admit she’s not coping, breast is best and dealing with health professionals. That alongside sheer exhaustion and overwhelming responsibility for this little person. Birth is traumatic for her and this takes a long time to get over and it’s not the done thing to discuss. Although she doesn’t show it she is ashamed for how she’s treating you. No matter how bad the situation is, please remember it’s an illness. Also think about your life if you do leave… you will miss out of 80% of your child life, eventually someone else will be on the scene and this will be very difficult, the guilt will eat you up. I write this from my husbands experience who now deeply regrets leaving however I can’t get over how he treated me since the baby and feel I’m better off without him.

    • Mik Walker says:

      My wife has put up with me for 11 years, I realise I am making her sick because I am a bit too negative, the poor thing has been sick since we met, married and had a child, she was healthy before me. We always fight and I am always in the wrong, I casn’t help who I am and maybe I am just exhausted from the start so I find it hard to behave how she needs me to be all the time, we have 5 beautiful children. I am constantly told to leave and often kicked out, but i manage to hang around until she reluctantly lets me back in.
      I don’t know how to stay positive i try but fail miserably

  99. Paul g says:

    Honestly mate…. I’m going through an absolute nightmare just now. My partner had our beautiful perfect little boy nearly 7 weeks ago. Everyday, negativity is oozing out her. I can’t put a foot right. It’s consuming me, it really is. I am really trying to be patient, tolerant and loving! However it doesn’t make the difference it used to, nowhere near. I’m worried for the sake of my son, if we stay together he will be in a bad atmosphere-or is we split it may affect him mentally. What do I do.

  100. I think this is great and I want to get in touch with a ppd shrink or therapist because I usually have all the answers but it’s always better to learn from someone else especially specialized in this area. How it says for her to tell me how she is feeling in that particular moment (want to punch someone, rip her hair out, etc) I ask her “how do you feel what’s GOIN on in Your mind at this or these moments” and she’s the type who says ” I don’t talk about that stuff it’s not me or it’s nothing or she will say I’m a bit sad because of not getting sleep but really she has bigger emotions and thoughts locked in her brain that she doesn’t want to tell me. What do I do now when your telling me to ask these questions and find out what’s going on in her mind but she doesn’t want to open up and tell me???? What do I do? Cause she doesn’t believe me that it’s the right thing to do when she was the one who read this and sent me the link but isn’t following the steps to get her healed???? Ahhhhhhh lol I’m being very patient and I’m not a patient person. Helpppp! Lol

  101. Rick says:

    I’m relived to have found this. My wife and I just had a beautiful baby boy 4 days ago and she has been on a rampage. I still have hope that she is just a little agitated due to the stitches and hemorrhoids but the thought of PPD has been in the back of my mind since the baby left the womb. After reading through the comments I’m now even more concerned because also Breastfeeding and it seems like it’s a contributing factor. I don’t wanna bring it up. But how long should I wait to address my concerns?

  102. Sean says:

    Thankyou, I’ve read the story, I’ve read the comments and its all pretty helpful but doesn’t answer my questions. My partner had a baby 3 weeks ago, her mood swings are out of this world, she’s a total psycho! Do I leave her or do I fight and stay??? To be told that your not loved, unsupportive and neglectful when it’s totally untrue is uncalled for. She makes up lies in her head and unleashes on me, so I bite back. I’m not going to cop her abuse but implies that it’s all my fault that I’ve done this to her. I’m in 2 minds, I don’t want to go through this for years to come, no way, I want to run, far far away. Is there hope? Or is hope a dangerous thing… Help!

  103. Zach says:

    I’ve been going through it for 4 years now., I’ve learned to distance myself from her. No matter what I am to blame for her being so miserable. I walk on egg shells with her just when picking up my son. She’s looking to feed off me saying something wrong or doing something wrong in her eyes so she can light me up. She will be such a bitch for months call me every name and put me down as a father than she will be willing to try to make it work. I’ve let her do this for 4 years. I’m done. Distance yourself and find a way to be happy bc I have a feeling it won’t get better till they meet someone new. I’m praying my ex finds someone else so maybe he can deal with her and I won’t be the punching bag no more.

  104. Never Ending Journy says:

    First & foremost, I ain’t any medical science professional but here’s my 2 cents worth. Both advice and experience that I’ve been through & currently going through on the birth of my 2nd child. Firstly, let’s all agree everything within this topic is all about love, let’s cast all the medical terms of PPB, PPD aside. We question ourselves…. Are we doing this because we love? Either for the wife or child to children…. I believe it’s a big YES! (If not I seriously doubt you folks will be hanging around at home.) personally for the past 2 weeks my wife have been asking me to shift out of our home saying that it will really be much better if I wasn’t around. From the time of her birth till today encounting…. I’ve shouldered all chores to the tiniest details & remember folks we are all walking on thin ice her, we cannot afford even 1 mistake or forget to do anything as promised (that’s the toughest part). But let’s bite the bullet (for love). Basically, let’s free her. Free her up physically. As simple as bringing her water while she’s breastfeeding. These are attention, you will gain the physical presence of assurance. Will she feel better? Will she says thank you? Again, let’s not expect anything coz everything in her mind is no more about you it’s about the child (bear that in mind.) We will feel totally unappreciated but the good thing is it’s not gonna be forever I’m sure. What you are trying to do is subtly showing her your presence that she needs you still. Trust me, she’s feeling like a queen after she has given birth thinking that she’s right & has total rights to everything including the decisions to adjust the federal rates. So let’s bow to her not to be her slave but let’s bow to love. Most of us work & we do not have the luxury of forever to show our presence at home. But when you’re not around, always remain contactable. The queen will call to pick on the simplest things of why isn’t your coffee cup washed! Remember, never allow the tiniest thing to slip your mind, but that’s not the end of the world. Apologize to her & im sure she will slam the phone down even. But why did she make that phone call? It’s not to pick on you, it was a actually a regular call to see how you are, or maybe you can say… Check on you. Most importantly you assured her you’re still alive & returning home after work because she knows she needs you.
    I totally understand when Husband feels belittled. Again, that’s not their intentions. Why are they acting this way then? Lets not categorize our wives as a patient that needs a doctor. Their affection towards you basically have changed. They have just given birth. They feel on top of the world they want to be in control. If we husbands start to give opinions that’s good but if you will to start to disagree with their opinions at this point of time, they’ve had enough. Never ever offend the queen. Even if you strongly disagree, remember bow to love, lower your voice humble yourselves, cast all pride in men aside & tell her your opinion. You maybe right but because of how they are they might take 2 days to accept what you say with no gratitude. And please don’t expect any gratitude, that’s only gonna make you more unhappy. The idea of it all is to take their voices with a pinch of salt walk away get yourself some water & quench the frustration. Move away from her for a while, do some household chores that after awhile she is able to see some physical changes you made at home. Wives are not blind, they know after a while you are the best that they can ever have around.
    Now here come my little therapy that should really help the situation after controlling your sadness & supressed mood in the house. Take your family for a little trip. I’m not expecting something expensive but I do hope it’s an experience that you can take your wife mind off the difficulties she is going through. If possible just you & her while maybe you could get your parents to take care of your new born. If it’s just the 2 of you on maybe a little short road trip of maybe 3-4days you will start to see how settled her mind will become. Her normal thinking process will start to replace her crazy mind. Do not talk to her about her new born. She will naturally miss the tiny one after just one day. Whe your wife misses the kid is always the best time to insert yourself as part of her plans in the family again. Have a nice talk to you and reschedule your plans a little around your house…. Make it a point to involve your new born the next time you two go home after the holidays…. The idea of this trip is to bring yourself back into her life. The queen sits alone up the throne. She’s deteched from you after she has given birth. Always keep this in mind….. The one thing that we are always working on is not how to heal her but you’re working on love. It’s all about love. She will fall back on you again when you have inserted yourself back into her plans.
    Well folks…. This might work or it might not, but as long as there is love you work on that & God will help you along the way….. Take care folks while I handle my own crisis situation here. If you understand the situation you wI’ll be in control its all for LOVE.

  105. dairen76 says:

    Hi I’m in no way a medical professional nor am I phycologists…. But here’s my 2 cents worth as a daddy myself & a new daddy to another beautiful child.
    Trust me I totally understand what daddy goes through post birth. First things first let’s agree with ourselves we are doing this out of love. The key word to overcome this terrible “tsunami” in our lives is love. Love for the children & to each & every of your wives.
    Here’s my take, when a wife gives birth she feels on top of the world, regardless the pain she’s having but it’s definitely a feat non of us here can experience. She feels like a queen. She feels that she’s the grey eat & in control to move anything including the fed rates. So let’s not deny that very fact nor should we just put it at the back of our heads that that’s what females are suppose to do. I’ve had and I’m still being called names, I’ve been belittled, I’ve done everything possible and at my best to hope that my wife will appreciate me with a thank you. Trust me everything done, it’s never enough & they always feel they need more. It’s never ending. We are all walking on egg shells above thin ice basically they will have no gratitude and will never feel that they need you. (Basically the queen sits on the throne alone). Don’t bow to her like a slave but bow to love it’s the least we men can do & the most to touch the heart again. Her mind is fixated on her child. I was asked to pack up and leave home twice the past 2 weeks for the most trival little wrong every little mistake is magnified brought upon with chapters of history of your imperfections. Swollow down the pride cast the ego away my friends, you’re never alone in this. One mistake I realize that might be pretty common is that we tend to categorize our wives….. We tend to ask them to seek a doctor or shrink to get her sanity checked. Personally I feel that’s if I’m the queen I wouldn’t want to be told that I’m mad. Her screams & name calling, picking of nifty gritty things are actually amplifying to us men,” hey! I’m the queen here so treat me like one!” The attention utmost important. The slightly action of pouring her a glass of water to dishing her a crappy meal. The moments that you need with her is quiet silent time. Remember she needs to readjust her thoughts. Take little walks with her but silently, let her speak her opinion of the surroundings indludge in her topic. Again, things might change in a snap of a finger coz you might have said something that has pricked her so basically be sensitive.
    Currently, our wives are all fixed in a schedule to cope with a new born the idea of it all is to break the schedule, I don’t mean snap her out of her crazy mind. But it’s to actually break the little schedules of breast feeding or diaper change or showering the little one. We cannot breast feed but we can always be around to help out with a drink accompany her help her around. We can always help in diaper change & showering the little one. The idea of it all is to show your involvement and let her feel safe & confident with you around. Initially you might get some stuff wrong but you’ll be surprise instead of being called names she will be laughing at how sloppy you can get. Let it be coz it’s been months she laughed with you, be the clown for the moment.
    It’s all about getting the moments with her always reminding her no matter how silly you may be but you’re around no matter how she disagrees you’re still around. She will recover and the process might take a long while. There will still be love if you stay strong and not crumble into arguments. Being unhappy or sad what I can say is bite the bullet & look on the bright side coz one day your wife will actually tell your children how great you are. We have been great and we are all just trying to draw some bits and pieces of strength from anyone that’s why we are here. But what I can say is you folks have been the strongest a man can show to your wives. They are not blind it’s all noted down in their book of love that I’m very sure they will share with your children soon enough.

  106. Will keeling says:

    Well let’s start here…I’m a young guy I’m 21 years old and me and my lady have been together since our early years in high school we have a 1 year old and a month old boy and ever since she had our second son she hasn’t been the same I love this woman a lot but she tells me on a daily basis that I discust her that she doesn’t love me any more she won’t talk to me she kiss me she won’t even look at me and it kills me every day I work 50 60 hours a week and all I do everyday is let it sit there and eat a hole in me IV lost weight I have no apitite I try to be supportive but she doesn’t see what she’s doing to me I don’t know what to do she’s all IV got and I want things to be OK but I don’t know what to do to help her even our two friends told her she isn’t being her self since she had the baby and that she should get help but she just denied that she even has a problem at all I’m real worried that she will just leave me I can’t lose my family I can’t lose my wife she and my boys are my motivation in life I just hope I can have the lovley woman I met in high school

  107. Keys Life says:

    Well after about 10,000 searches I find THIS! I knew I wasn’t alone and I feel ALL the pain (and more!) that we have all been going through here. In a nutshell, and it’s a BIG shell, married 2 years with everything great with a few exceptions of in-laws overstepping boundaries on her side and had first child. Child birth was nightmare and come to find out what we went through is still the #1 killer of mothers and babies. Needless to say, it was horrible but my wife and son made it. So then things got…. Interesting? Weight loss, breastfeeding issues, sadness, etc. Mother-in-law stayed a couple weeks to help out which was great at first, but then quickly turned into tagteam match against me. I just brushed it off like I had so many other things with them “paired up” in the past. After we were alone things were ok but we were losing altitude. More worrying, more phone calls to her mother, etc, etc. I own my own CO so I took off work and stepped in for full time helping with our son. I pulled as much weight as I could in every way. Even before our son I always did the cooking (I like it and always have), cleaning, laundry, car(s) care, etc. My wife has a very good job and they called to get her back almost 3 weeks earlier than planned. I said “I’m ok with it if she was” and I was ready to be “Mr. Mom” for the next 4-6 month until we were ready for him to go to daycare. Things were ok but there was constant worrying on wife’s part and continued weight loss. I gave her reassurance every day all day. I tried to cook things she liked and when we did get out for a night she would pick were we wanted to eat (which, in my opinion, weren’t best places for good food nutrition wise but it made her happy, or so I thought). She was really not looking well but I wasn’t sure what to anticipate after having a baby. Thankfully she is in medical field and people at her work started to say things. She went to her OB and our GP both agreed she needed some help. Pills prescribed and plan ineffect. Nothing I was doing was “right” anymore and the inlaws were making a fuss about me not doing enough in every way from general housecare to financial matters. Even went so far as to argue with me about the screens on our house “not being safe and we should get different windows because someone could pull the screen out and steal or baby or rob the house”. Ehh, hello? They are SCREENS a razor will cut through ANY screen. SO jump 14 mth and we just finish getting pictures with Santa. Our son was hungry and we didn’t plan on staying at this mall for dinner so we needed to get home for him. My wife decided she wanted to eat at a restaurant there. I told her we needed to get our son food and there was nothing he could eat there, if she wanted we could go home, get him food and come back. This turned into “It’s ALL about you!” yelling as we get loaded into her brand new ridiculously expensive German SUV. We are on the Hwy and she’s getting madder and madder. Next thing I know, she sucker punched me right in the temple as I drove. Luckily I was able to control the car and reached across and grabbed her hands. I yelled “WTF DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?!”
    To this day I regret not driving straight to a police station and having her charged with a wide variety of charges, including child endangerment. She never said she was even sorry and somehow it was “my fault” to this day. This day being 7 years and another baby later. I’ve done and allowed her to do whatever she wants from nights out with her girlfriends, shopping that’s WAY overboard ($5000 purses, etc), breast enhancement, lasik eye surgery, another luxury SUV, you name it. She’s on lexipro, xanax, Valium and some other pills too for “monthly issues” that haven’t been regular. At one point she hadn’t had a period in 5 months and said “You better hope I’m not pregnant!” All I could do was laugh because there hadn’t been any intimacy since maybe 6 mth after our 2nd child and maybe 3-4x after her breast enhancement so I just said “well who’s the father then?” She wasn’t pleased with that but at this point – sucker punched while driving with kids in car again, cell phones & remote controls thrown at and hitting me, locked out of bedroom, physical attacks that I just restrained her and pushed her away to make escape, etc, I was at end of my rope.
    I demanded we seek counseling and she go see DR’s again. We found a great counselor and after “spilling beans” on one another the counselor said “OK, 3 things. 1 There’s nothing that can’t be fixed here. 2 (she looks at my wife) you don’t fight fair and are endangering your children, husband and yourself. 3 (again looking right at my wife) Your Mom can’t be your “best friend”. Your best friend is sitting next to you right now.
    My wife stuck with counseling for almost a year but started missing more and more appointments 6mths in. DR’s revamped her meds but I started checking the pill count and it wasn’t close to what it should have been for prescribed. She went went bezerk and called police one time and after they were there offered ME to press charges against her for assault. I (stupidly) declined hoping she learned a lesson. But she didn’t. Went nuts again, called police AGAIN about 6mth later. I told her get ready because now we are BOTH going to jail. Second “domestic violence” call automatically gets both spouses arrested to cover PD butts if something REALLY bad happens later. I had a lawyer make the whole thing “go away” for a small fortune. As I said before, I do all the cleaning and over last 2 years it’s like she’s always on her period judging by the ridiculous amounts of feminine hygiene products I’m dumping in the trash. I’ve asked her to go see DR’s, I’ve asked her to go back to counseling as couple and for herself. She won’t do anything but see DR’s. They’ve upped her antidepressants to higher dosages, etc. So now comes the last holidays and and what shows up? Divorce papers! Our 7 & 3 year old are completely clueless to why mommy is always yelling at daddy. I take and pick them both up daily from daycare and school only to have my wife hire a “nanny” to now start doing this… I’ve tried my best only to have the carpet yanked out from under me. Why I still love my wife I don’t know, but I do. She’s just gone mad and her parents blame me, yet everyone that knows us doesn’t get it PERIOD. I’ve started counseling for myself and unfortunately have had to hire attorney to defend myself against merit less claims. I’m being as calm and cool as I can be. I’m doing everything I can for our children. She’s playing mindgames with our children as well which I don’t think you can get much lower. I just don’t know how much more abuse I can take. From everything I’ve gathered it looks like I’m up against severe PPD and possibly other mental disorders as well. I’ve got the towel in hand and up in the air. I just can’t throw it yet.

  108. Darren says:

    I read through these posts and I’m glad that I am not alone but I feel so lost and alone. My wife and I got pregnant shortly after we got married. We planned it that way. Once she found out she was pregnant she started decreasing her dose of medication until she was ultimately off of it. She was on medication for anxiety and depression and had been for almost 15 years. As time went by, I could begin to see slight changes in her behavior. I just thought it was due to the pregnancy. Then the day came when our baby was born. We were happy as can be as we were first time parents. A new baby can bring new stresses to a marriage and our baby has difficulty sleeping. But as time goes by, my relationship with her has become non-existent. For the last 9 months my life has really become a living hell. She doesn’t want to take her medication because she is breastfeeding and during this time our marriage has gone to hell. She has become mean and vicious towards me. She feels like I don’t support her but I try to do what ever I can. I’ve given up sports, and outdoor activities are now a rarity. I don’t go out with my friends because I don’t want her to resent me. I try to help my wife in any capacity when ever I see something that needs to be done. I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. Her family has suggested that she get back on medication and she won’t. Also on top of it, she has PPD. I have anxiety whenever I come home because I do not know what kind of mood she will be in. Some of the looks I get are down right nasty. I see comments like “punching bag” and I know exactly what that means. Right now, we are basically sleeping in separate beds and I am okay with that. At least I don’t feel the hate from a foot away. I feel alone. I question my own sanity. Am I that horrible of a husband? I’m at the point now where being a single dad looks like an easier path forward at least for my own (and I think my wife’s) sanity. Life is too short to be miserable.

  109. Nigel says:

    Paul, your story sounds so much like my own. I’m not perfect, and have made mistakes, but I gave my wife everything I could and held nothing back. She had a life that most women would be fortunate to have. She didn’t have to work, lived luxuriously and I tried to always treat her with love, patience, friendship and kindness. She always had a temper problem but before the baby, there was so much good to our relationship that it was worth the hard times.

    Something switched in her when she got pregnant and it only got worse after our son was born. She withdrew from me completely–emotionally and sexually. Her temper also became worse then ever. She was perpetually passive aggressive, found insults and slights in everything I did, and became just outright nasty. It wasn’t like before when we would have a hard time, get through it and then go back to the good times. There was no good to go back to.

    So, after a long time of feeling lonely, bedraggled and that my home was a passive aggressive hell, I asked for a divorce. It was the hardest thing I ever did. It was the worst day of my life. But, I’m having good days again and I wouldn’t be able to if I didn’t find it in me to speak up and say no more. I have less money, less stuff, and things still get hard. But, I have love, excitement, and happiness in my life again.

    Ignore the nasty hens posting here that it’s your duty to just weather whatever neglect and abuse I heaped on you. I assure you that if the shoe was on the other foot and she were talking about leaving you, they’d be the first to chime in with a “you go girl!” She has obligations to you. You aren’t just an ATM. Stand up and walk, man.

  110. daniel smith says:

    I’m glad I found this, I thought I was going mad. Living in my home is hell! I love my son and my partner so much, but she brings chaos into our lives. She was such a lovely person but she has turned into a total stranger…and lies! now she apologises about lying but there will come a day where she might not, and will follow through on a lie. It got to the point where she broke my finger and told me to lie to the hospital about it. She lashes out, punches, scratches (I have facial scars) but then all of a sudden my old jane comes back – and its like she never changed. I’m honestly at the point where I feel trapped. She had depression for the 12 years we have been together and it has ruined hers and my life. I had this idea that I could help her, she doesn’t want doctors help..but maybe I could get through to her. When she is with her friends and family she acts confident and normal, they believe she looks great. she spends her time shooting me down, telling me I don’t do enough (I cook, clean, pay all the bills and have sacrificed my social life to be at her beck and call) I honestly don’t know what to do – I just feel like disappearing.

    And now it gets more interesting, she now threatens to lie to the police and take my son away from me and (take every penny that I have) and if I’m lucky she will apologise the next day about her behaviour.

    I’m thinking of leaving, she uses my son as a weapon – but leaving her means missing out on my sons life..and he is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.

    So for any other dads out there – I feel your pain, I honestly do. as I write this I have tears in my eyes because I just feel so clueless, no matter what I do its never going to be good enough.

  111. Keys Life says:

    I 100% agree with you! I totally supported my wife in ANY way possible during our first and second child. Anything that was needed – get our child, have clean “equipment” ready, storage, etc, you name it. Yes, it was hard on both of us but mainly on her and I supported her best I possibly could do. Here is where it got strange. Her own MOM told her to just quit and not worry about it while she was still in the hospital AND when we all got home. I honestly was shocked at what I was hearing from my mother in law. She point blank said “Well I didn’t like it at all when you (her daughter) were born and I just didn’t think it was necessary since there was alternate ways to feed you..”
    After I picked my jaw up off the floor I “vanished” for about 10-15 min to gather my thoughts. I told my wife privately that she should speak to the specialist and make up her own mind about what to do. The next day she did and everything went along perfect for our son and later our daughter. I still to this day can’t believe the lack of support her own mother was on this matter. Then again, as time wore on it has become more and more obvious that her parents are control freaks and have yet to let go of their own “baby girl” which has only compounded these other issues.

  112. Andrew says:

    I am going through the same thing. Before we got married my wife went through a stage where she hated me but we got past that.
    My daughter is now 1 and things are so bad that she tells me she wishes she never married me. The anxiety i feel daily as i am worried that any thing i do she will see as something that pisses her off.
    I have slept in the spare room for over a month as she doesnt want anything from me as she says.
    This is hard for me and i am really struggling to cope.

    • Zach says:

      Been there. Slept in the guest room. If your at that stage then it’s time to get out. That’s pretty much ur only chance to have her realize what she is losing. If u stick around it will allow her to confirm what she feels. Don’t stand for it bc no one deserves this treatment.

  113. O says:

    This website is one of a kind. I’m struggling with all of these problems and it’s nice to know it isn’t me and there are (unfortunately) others in the same situation. It’s got to a point where the downs are massively out weighing the ups now. I’m a laid back kinda guy. Don’t let things get to me and believe everything happens for a reason but it’s getting to a point where I am selfishly thinking of myself and my wellbeing and happiness. We have 2 children and since their births my wife’s moods have only got progressively worse. She tells me she’s not loved me for years. Even before I proposed but she said yes because it felt like the right thing to do. In the space of 4 years we wed. We bought a house. We chose to have a child. We chose to have a second. But she claims she’s never loved me through any of this. I’ve always found that hard to believe as who would go through this with someone they didn’t love? It’s got to the point where she won’t talk to me. She’s said we’ll put a front on to family and friends that everything is fine until the kids are older the split. She even said we’ll ‘waste our lives’ doing it that way. I know this time next week she’ll start to be a bit more normal though. I’m always living in hope. I’ll still be walking on eggshells making sure I don’t step out of line though but who knows what will trigger the next argument. Sometimes I feel like breathing at the wrong time will set her off. Breathing in when she wants me to be breathing out. She’s so controlling she’s out of control. I’ve given up sports, rarely see my friends and have no family that I speak to. I’m trapped and she knows this and uses it against me yet she’s the one who is always claiming I’m trapping her in this relationship because I won’t leave her when she tells me to. I have nothing but his family who I love with everything I’ve got and would walk to the other side of the planet of it meant being with them. Luckily I get on well with her family and I feel they are there for me as they know what my wife is like. They’ve seen it all but I don’t think they know the extent and extremities it has now reached. I’m considering talking to them about the level it’s got to. Just to get things off my chest really. One of her parents works in the medical field and maybe able to help me help her. I know of i being up the subject of post natal depression it will cause the argument of all arguments. Probably resulting in me being kicked out and my clothes being thrown out the window. Having nowhere else to go I can’t risk this.

    Im just nice guy trying to help the woman I love and keep my beautiful family together. Am I being too nice and not thinking of myself? Am
    I thinking of myself too much and not helping them by leaving? I just don’t know what to do.

    I’ve read a lot of the responses on here and feel for everyone of you. It’s nice to see others opening up and helping my sanity that it’s not me. Has anyone stuck it out and things got better though? All I want to do is help her but I’m a firm believer that a person needs to want helping before they except help. She can’t see what she’s like so that will never happen. I often think about filming a ‘Day in the life of’ style film of my day and how she treats me. Maybe that would be the eye opener she needs? Maybe it will cause an arguement and I would be sleeping in the car with the threat of never seeing my kids again keeping me awake. Any advice or positive outcomes/stories would be gratefully received. Thanks for reading guys. Wish there was a pub where we could all have a beer and chat. Maybe I’ll start one.

    • Zach says:

      I’ve been dealing with my ex for 4 years. I tried to make it work for a few years. Dealt with exactly what ur saying. Sticking it out doesn’t make it any better. If she feels a certain way then there is nothing that you can do to change her mind. You should just worry about what’s best for you. When you split it doesn’t get better or easier. My ex try’s to keep my son from me and then blames me for not seeing him more. You will always be wrong in her eyes and always be the problem. Your an excuse to why she feels the way she does. I’ve had the sit downs with her parents and they don’t help. Her mom always protects her and her daughter is never wrong. Her parents don’t confront her they just support her do it makes it that much worse.,, again I would get out stand your ground and assume the worst always when dealing with her. Don’t give her an inch bc if u do trust me that u will regret it. Until she comes back and apologizes (good luck) for how she’s been then worry about urself bc trust me she’s only worried about herself. She deserves to be happy and so do you. Separate urself, stand ur ground, live the life u want that’s best for ur kids. Find someone else who wants to make u happy.

  114. Jonny says:

    I am currently going through the same thing. I have a seven week old daughter. While on paternity leave I noticed my partner was tired and I was doing everything her mother should have been doing. I mean bathing, feeding etc. Things got really bad when I returned to work. We had moved house a week before the baby was born and I done basically Everything to get the house in good order and empty the contents of the old house. I was completed exhausted. She took a really bad turn after her eldest child collapsed after staying up all night. I dealt with that as I have first aid training and contacted the emergency services to make sure the child was OK. After that she wasn’t able to sleep and the kids were complaining they were hearing and seeing things in their new room. To me this was down to them getting used to their new home and put it down to them being unsettled. She didn’t let me sleep that night and I arranged some time off work to monitor the child. The next night was a lot worse, she started seeing shadows, saying there were demons being brought into the house and began barricading the front and back doors. I was unaware of what she was doing as I had the baby in the bedroom upstairs taking care of her. She then called me down and attacked me. At this point I escaped and went to seek help from the eldest child’s grandparents. After this she was sectioned under the mental health act and refused to see me or speak to me and even signed a confidential clause with the hospital so I could not get any information. I was contacted by a social worker from the hospital and advised she was doing well and things would be put in place for me to speak to her and visit her so I knew what was happening when she got out. The same night my partner arrived at my parents house where I moved to with the baby for support so I could keep working. She demanded I handed over the baby. Told me I was lying about several things and was very irratic. I saw no sign of any improvement in her mood from when she was admitted to hospital so I advised her she could see the baby and I would make arrangements for the child to come and see her until I felt sure she was better and able to care for our child. This wasn’t good enough and so I had no choice but to contact the police. She advised me that when she got our daughter she would make sure I never saw her again. I contacted my solicitor and went to court two days later and got a temp residency order for my child and a prohibited steps order. When I returned home I found a letter from my partners solicitor stations she applied for the same thing and accused me or everything from child abuse to lying and everything in between which is completely untrue. She has two other kids that aren’t mine and treated as my own. So this to me is extremely concerning as I would never hurt a woman or child. I am just wondering can anyone give me any advice?

  115. Andrew says:


    I am writing this in hope of some good advices with my story which seems very similar to yours guys.First sorry for my english and possible mistakes. …
    So I dated my wife 1 year before she got pregnant, we were very happy we loved each other a lot and it was like we were soulmates, you probably know the feeling. We’ve soon got married, made a credit bought a house that I pay monthly. We have all that we need we are a normal family, but after our boy was born she completely changed, with lots of bipolar moods and anger towards me for no reason. I never hurt her, I dont have any vices, all my time is with them, I help her with all the chores etc. I knew it is postpartum and i hoped it will get better. Now our son has 1 year and it is just worse and worse. Her main problem is that I am “selfish” and horrible and I dont care for her and our boy. I work a lot in order to offer them all that we have, I come back home in the evening and she just starts emptying all her problems on me. I stay with the baby to let her breath and relax, I stay with him every weekend, I actually never went out with my friends since our baby came and I really dont have time for me and I understood that this is the way now. But she never sees the things this way she always compares my work which is intelectual ( I work in IT) with her daily work when I am not home which is hard and stressful work and I should do more. When I stay with our baby for prolongued time (8-9 hours in the weekends) he comes to a point where he wont stop crying for her and she usually blaims me for that because I am not loving my kid and I dont do my best with him, I play in stupid ways with him etc. She always has something bad to say to blaim me. She always complains about me to her parents and friends who support her. When we got married my parents didnt agree with her so I decided to never talk to them again because I love her etc. I never blaim her for that but I have zero support and everyone points at me as being an asshole. I dont get it, I really do my best to have a normal life but she is never happy. She yells at me, she insults me and she hit me twice because I am “arrogant” and always have an argument for her. She told me that I am a nasty horrible person and that she doesnt love me and she doesnt want to become horrible like “my mother”. I still love her but it also breaks my heart everyday and I love my kid very much I wouldnt like to let him live with separated parents. She also threatenes me that she cant stand this and she will probably commit suicide ’cause that’s how horrible her life became and i really dont understand why. She smokes, she drinks alcohol and when i tell her to have a healther life she tells me that it is all due to her miserable times with me. Our parents also mock me for being vegan and spiritual, they see me as a weirdo and i asked her to let go of her parents way of life and to embrace her own, but I was probably to in love with her to see the differences. What should I do ?

  116. doug says:

    Im in the same boat but im not going to write a novel or vent about it. Im thinking about divorcing her i didnt sign up for this.

  117. Shane says:

    I stumbled upon this,and Paul, I have a spouse,3 years dating,1 year apart,and now we have a 3 year old son.She stopped taking her meds,”Vyvance”,when she knew she was pregnant. Now 3 years into our “BRAND NEW” life,she is not interested in getting help,and I have became the “GUY”,that you have described.I AM NOT THAT GUY,AS WELL. I am very caring,loving,great with the kids,etc. Everybody that knows me,don’t know her,so she plays the innocent victim. Check out (, anywho,I am curious,and wish you the best outcome for YOU and CHILD’S HAPPINESS.. goodday

  118. Fatboyftb says:

    You my friend have been through the journey I just started and I’m already past question of sanity

  119. Vincent says:

    I’m in the exact same situation.its killing me

  120. JJ Rogers says:

    I just read Paul’s Story. I also have the same problem how ever my wife has filed for divorce and took our newborn and lied trying to hide the child from me with . I haven’t seen my baby for 28 days days and she is not letting me. At first it was by her choice then she lied and got a TRO claiming false events with no police reports or anything and complete;y ignoring her own role ion the event like trying to commit suicide. I am so sad how ever once i got served it became second nature in the fight for what i have to do to see and get my rights as a father. She is sick and i hope she pulls through, how ever i am now so distant knowing what she did. This will be another thing that i have to do and have to learn. Some day I will have for forgive. I think realizing she is sick is the first steps to the start of this healing process i must now face because of this. I wish all the fathers who are going through this the best out come they can have with the family stating in tact and every one healthy.

    My wife also quit taking meds. I cant say how heart breaking this past 30 days has been. Even if she fell out of love with me there is no need to lie and try to ruin my chances and relationship with my newborn.

  121. Neal says:

    Christ mate. I’m living this now. I’m not sure what to do. I get called out for everything. I got punched and slapped last night because of a photo of me on facebook with a woman. The photo was taken 5 years before i even met my wife, and she went completely mental at me about it. She won’t get help for the problem and when i encourage her to seek help she accuses me if being an abuser. My behaviour is slipping now to the point i punched through a wall i was so angry at the constant abuses so and i started yelling back at her so now i am no better, just feel like a dog so ashamed of myself and probably going home to more after work. All i can do is try not to lose my temper and hope it goes away. I can’t leave our baby boy i love them both so much.

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