Austin’s Story

I found your site by accident as I was researching why my wife who is the most loving person I know could have transformed into someone who hates me so much.  My wife and I are “high school sweethearts” I have actually known her from Junior High School and we have been together now for 14 years. To speak of the depth of our love for each other would take a very long time.

May 2nd we had the most beautiful little girl. We were even happier.  The beginning of August her mom came to stay with us for a month to assist in her transitioning back to work from maternity. Her mom is very high maintenance and I had noticed that we both were on our best behavior when she came.  My wife was always fussing to make sure that everything was perfect.  This brought great stress in the house.

The first week or so of her mom being there we were still very loving. But things started going down hill soon thereafter.  On Sept 08 my angel and my daughter left. Things have progressively gotten worse. I know that the person I am talking with is not my angel. She is staying with her mom in Texas at the moment she has accused me of being with another woman and in general betraying her and not showing her love.  She says she dosen’t feel as though I love her any longer.

Her parents are divorced and I am very close to her father’s side of the family. Her dad says she would tell him things like how could I love her when she has gotten so big. Quite honestly for someone who recently had a baby she is absolutely riveting to look at. She has told someone else that she feel scared of me, as though she believes I would hurt her. 

I have come to the bitter understanding that I will not be seeing my daughter for Thanksgiving and potentially Christmas this year, may not even get to see her for her first birthday. I am not angry with my wife, actually I never was as I always felt that she wasn’t my wife when this happened. I just never knew what the problem was. Everyone who knows us believes we are the most loving couple they have ever seen. I am constantly told how much our friends wish their relationships were like ours. 

I feel so helpless as she is in Texas and I can’t even get to go see her as I am in Boston. Thankfully she is a model mom to our daughter she just hates me and her closer friends and family here. She rarely speaks with her dad.  She stopped speaking with her aunts, cousins, most of her friends etc. She was closest to her sister, I have always been around her sister so we are also very close. She now acts as though she hates her own sister.

I have read about the meds that she could go on and have found mixed results. A lot of people seem to feel that it is best to give her the time and let it pass as though it was a common cold. I cry to sleep ever night how much I miss them. My mom has forced me to leave my house and stay with her. At this point I don’t know what to do to help my angel.  I went to the store and got her a card. Despite all the cruel things she has said to me since this has started I find it so easy to love her.

By my estimation she has been under for approx 3-4 months now. It has been closer to 4 months since I heard the dreaded words “I feel as though I am going through changes”. I don’t know how I am going to make it through this.  I would appreciate any help as I have never known as much pain as I know now. My wife is the closest person in my life. She in every respect is my dearest companion.  

Since she has been gone I haven’t slept in our bed and I rarely go to our house. I almost sold it but I am thinking of taking it off the market now. She used to always tell me how much she loved our house.  If she is truly depressed, and I certainly believe that to be the case I wouldn’t want her to ask why I sold the house she loved so much.  I greatly need to talk with someone who understands. I have a lot of friends and family who have come to my aid but no one understands.  Many times what they say hurts more than it helps though I know there intentions are good.

One Month Later

I would be more than happy to share my story.  I am still in the struggle but things are slowly getting better with my situation.  I have noticed significant changes over the last month or so.  I have been keeping a journal which I plan to share once this is over and both my wife and I can understand what has taken place.  All I can say now for any father in this situation is that this will test what you are made out of; you will have to find your strength.  For me I imagine that I am the captain of my family and no matter how I may be battered and bruised I MUST navigate us through this.  I have personally come to terms that I am hurt but I have put that aside and decided I would deal with my own pain when my wife is better.  For me I am beginning to see the calm but I know within myself that I have to stay the course until we are truly out of the storm.  My wife and I have been getting a lot closer we are now making plans on reuniting.  As in my previous email we are not yet through the storm but at this point we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

By my estimation we are in month 8 but things are looking very good for us.  She has also promised to talk with a professional once we are physically together.  I am now researching to find a good family counselor that understands postpartum depression.

 

3 Responses to Austin’s Story

  1. Henry says:

    Your not alone at all.

    My wife did the same thing. Its been 6 weeks. I’ve had to get counceling for myself as the pain of my wife and child leaving was..well I cant put it into words.

    I’m really happy for you that your working things out. Have you got any advice?

    I have been forced to move out & see my wife and son evry saturday for 3 hours.

    I just hope and prey we can get back together.

    My family keep telling me its not PPD. But I know it is.

  2. Aaron says:

    First off, let me tell you the first thing that took me so long to recognize and it’s something us Dads never let off on. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! Understand that it’s not her fault either, she didn’t choose to get depressed. From what it sounds like you never did anything to make her come to this. Trust me, I understand the hurt you’re going through because I’m going through it right now… Me and my fiancé were on the verge of getting married after our first child’s birth and she got depressed soon after. First the depression started off by saying she needed to put the baby first. Understandable, it completely made sense to me to put our affection aside for a moment to put all our attention and affection towards our son. Soon after she said that she no longer wanted to get married, she said that we should have gotten married before the baby was born. This is when things started going down hill. Everything I did was wrong, at least that’s what she said. I couldn’t even change our son’s diaper without her scolding me saying I was taking too long or that was the wrong pair of pajamas. Unfortunately, I had to go back to work and durinyg these times she had her Mother come over to help her. It was during one of my long work days that she had an episode of what the doctors call, Postpartum Psychosis. She said she started seeing things and was afraid to go to the doctor because she thought everyone would call her crazy. In the end, she herself asked to be taken to the hospital. The doctors say it has to do with the stresses of Mothers not being able to sleep during labor and the intense anxiety they go through during child birth. My fiancé’ wasn’t the easiest… In the end, it just happens. It’s something completely out of our control. The only thing we can do as Fathers is stick in their. People will always test your patience with what they say instead of giving you a hand. It’s alright, experiences like this are meant to strengthen our character. You’ll be fine, we can make it.

  3. Alex says:

    me and my wife are also going threw this, she has been accusing me of being emotionally and physically abusive towards her our entire relationship, and i must add that i have adhd and did have anger problems (not being able to stop an outburst when something comes into my head.) a few months after we started dating, but i got on meds that keep the adhd problems in check. but now in her mind while she is going through this depression i am a threat to our child who i love more then myself. i love her dearly but the things she has been spreading to friends and family paint me as a monster who will one day kill our daughter.

    to put the icing on the cake she has admitted to being depressed, and had previously been diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. Having our daughter was her idea, and she mad the choice more then i did to get off birth control, and have a child, get married ect.. but as my therapist said she is projecting all of her negative emotions onto me and in her mid (unknowingly) is distorting our past to make herself feel better, and give her a course of action to flee from her feelings.

    she starts therapy in a couple of weeks and i think she is under the impression that the therapist will blindly agree with everything she says and will give her the professional voice she needs to push for a divorce, instead of looking at herself, and her thinking. her therapist does specialize in ppd, depression, anxiety, and add/adhd. so i hope she can see threw the smoke screen, and bring the loving women i married back out of this fog she has been living in.

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