Recommendations

Top Recommendations

1. Try to find a local support group in your area.  Visit www.postpartum.net for assistance in finding a local group. These groups can offer valuable referrals as well as an opportunity to talk with specially trained volunteers

2. Get a referral to a doctor that is trained to deal with PPD.  Ask your pediatrician, family doctor, ob/gyn, or other person you trust for recommendations.  Finding someone you and your wife both trust and feel comfortable with is crucial for recovery.

3. Be prepared for a long recovery with setbacks along the way.  PPD is not something that can be fixed overnight.  It may take a few weeks or it may take a few years for your wife to recover and for your family to heal. 

4. Attend as many doctor appointments as possible.  This will not only demonstrate to your wife how much you care about her but it will also give you a chance to communicate with the doctor and hear the doctor’s instructions.  Don’t assume that your wife is going to be open with her doctor, or that she is going to comprehend or trust what he tells her.

5. Continue treatment even when she starts feeling better.  While discontinuing treatment is very tempting once she starts feeling better it can be very dangerous.  The chances of relapse are much higher if treatment is stopped too early.

6. Get help for yourself and your family.  Don’t let the stigma of depression keep you from sharing with others what is going on.  There are many people out there willing to help people and they just need to be asked.

7. Love your wife.  Be tender, be supportive.  Believe her and believe in her.  Do not assume she is “over-reacting” or being “unreasonable.” 

8. Be her lifeline.  You may be the one who needs to make the call about whether she needs medical attention. She may not be able to ask for it herself. 

9. Ask questions.  My husband says that if he knew then what he knows now he would have asked many more questions — Can you read?  Can you follow a TV plot?  Are you hearing things?  Etc.   — Those are things that apply to psychosis

6 Responses to Recommendations

  1. Keith says:

    About point #4, I have only been asked to come to one appointment which I did. I would like to attend more since I really don’t think that my wife is really telling her therapist EVERYTHING. I would like to fill in the blanks that are either left out on purpose or just oversights on her part.

    How can I suggest that without seeming pushy or wanting to control the situation? Just tonight we were talking about a story on the news and I don’t think that I said anything out of line, but she got upset and got off the couch. As I was trying to get her to come back and talk to me and I tried to give her a hug she was hitting me. I honestly don’t know what she is talking about when she said I am confrontational. She has said it a few times so I try and avoid situations like she has got upset with me in the past. But then she says that I am ignoring her. She says I do it all the time but can never come up with an example when I ask her. I am not trying to build a defence to throw back at her. I just want to know what she is feeling so I can try and see if it is something that I am doing that I can change or if it is just part of the PPD. Knowing one way or the other I could either change or understand where the anger is coming from and just accept it as she continues on with treatment.

    Tonight I probably over reacted and did get a little objectionable when she was hitting me. I told her to stop being abusive. But I don’t deal well with people when they present physical danger or harm to me or my family. I would never lay a finger on her. I just wanted to hug her and she pushed me away and told me I can come to bed when I have a better attitude. Now I don’t know if I should sleep on the couch, go to bed and try and talk to her and risk making her more upset or not talk which to me isn’t going to help me understand, or just drive to work and sleep in my office. It’s a huge mine field tonight that I have to try and navigate where I don’t think that I can come out of in a positive way. I will either be ignoring her or do something else to make her mad at me. So now I have to be in the car in 6 hrs to go to work and don’t know if I will get any sleep tonight.

    I really don’t think that if her therapist asks her about tonight that she will give the full story. I think she will give her perspective on how I was being a jerk, but also not the part about how I wanted to comfort her and get her to calm down. Or how she was being physical with me. I really think that is something the Dr. needs to know.

    • alex says:

      I can completely relate to the first post. My wife is in her third trimester and your situation sounds idendical to mine. It even came to the point that she called the police after she broke everything in the house because her insecuritys lead her to belive I was cheated on her. She told the police I hit her, which I didn’t & would never. So after realizing what she had did she decided to get help. It takes a strong man to endure these mood swings & the verbal abuse is probably the most painful, she realizes after that she was wrong but I pray that this treatment plan she had agreed to go to works because I really miss the women I fell in love with.
      Good Luck to you all & remember if you were ill would you want your wife to abandon you? For better or worse right?

  2. jason says:

    I am sort of at my wits end. I have read some of the information on this site, but have limited right not to do too much more before my wife gets back from a doctor’s appointment.

    In short I have reached out to postpartum international for help and they directed me here.

    My wife is depressed, she is not seeking help, there are no support groups in our area, she feels like we are seperated, has left me once and threatens to do it again, unless I change.

    I have tried to wait the storm out, but the storm does seem to be letting up.

    I have anger and have expressded it to her. I try not to and have been doing better.

    I really think she needs to get some prfessional help.

    Any help out there?

    Thanks in advance!

  3. Mark says:

    My Wife left me and has took our 5 month old girl,tomorrow will be a month ago. She has filed for a divorce. she is claiming that she has reasonable fear of me.I’ve never hurt her or anything. I love her and our child so much! Me and my wife were perfect together before the baby came along. After the baby was born my wife became distant from me. There wasn’t a husband,wife and child. all it was to her was mommy and baby. i lost my job three months ago and when that happened my wife really did get distant from me! when she was at work she would txt or call me stating she missed the baby and checking on her. while doing so my wife would sometimes be crying. She questioned everything i did with the baby, clothes,food,drink, anything! she quit her job to be with the baby and start watching other peoples kids after i did get my retirement. she did that for a day and when the other peoples kids left her attitude change then she left me. What does this sound like? I miss our family!!

  4. Hobie says:

    How do I find a therapist around Columbus, Ohio that might specialize or be really good with PPD and related marital counseling?

  5. Kelly says:

    I think my wife might be dealing with PPD. Our son is 1 month old tomorrow and we’ve been married 11 months today. She says she feels disconnected and doesn’t feel close to me. She wont talk to me hardly because I’m not a very good listener (to my admission I do stink at listening).

    The other night we were getting ready for bed and I told her that i feel like I’m her punching bag and I was tired of it, and she completely shut down. She wouldnt talk to me, except only to say that I looked at her like I hated her (I didn’t think I did). I’m terrible at giving her space because all I want to do is hold her when she’s upset.

    After a long day yesterday, things seemed to be getting better. So I went to play board games with my father-in-law (with her permission). She seemed hurt when i got home so i asked her what was wrong, she said nothing, so i told her i loved her (3 times) and asked her if she loved me (probably another 3 times) and the last time she snapped and said “that’s all you care about”. This morning she snapped again and wouldn’t even say bye to me when I went to work.

    I know it just sounds like I’m annoying her to no end, and maybe I am, but something has changed. Her moods seem like they can change on a moment’s notice… her eyes are filled with pain and sadness, she said she almost had a panic attack the other day, and probably would have if I didn’t come home from work. She said she doesn’t feel close to me. I need help…. Does it sound like PPD or am I just a jerk?

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