I am a young father 25 years of age with a now 9 month old baby girl. I have been with my wife for three years now two years married. We have always been really close or what I thought until now. We have been dealing with a lot of ups and downs for a good two months now. Separating off and on this time being the longest nine days.
I never understood what she was going through until I heard from friends that it could be postpartum depression. I then researched it on the web only to see that everything fits to the T. To sum it up in this brief email I feel rejected from my wife, like she has given up on me now that she has her baby girl and that is all she is concerned with, not our relationship together.
She has told me that she feels that she has gone about all of the nine months alone and she has become use to it to where she thinks she can do it alone. I have been in school, going on three years now, all of our relationship and I work full time, I have done my very best with the time I have and love her and my daughter to no end.
Her mother does not help the situation, she has also become angry and distant from me I guess due to what her daughter has discussed with her, the two of them have always been very close talking at least five times a day if not more. I don’t think she sees that her daughter may be experiencing postpartum depression.
I wish that I could take all the blame and change myself to help the situation but I have done all the changing in myself to where if I change anything more I will not know my own identity. After I tried to correct more and more, lessening my classes and cleaning cooking dinner before she got home, taking more and more care of the baby, and still falling short, that is when I threw my hands up and didn’t know what else to do.
That is usually when we split up. Now is when I am realizing that there is more then meets the eye-postpartum and understanding what a women experiences different then a man during and after pregnancy. I have searched the web top and bottom and your website offered me the best help and the ability to read the stories of other fathers. I need help and I don’t want to loose my family. If it is to just talk with someone. I feel lost….
2 Days Later
Thank you for getting back with me, I was impressed at the timely response. My wife and I went out Friday night to dinner. It was very nice, we need the good times when just her and I can get together without any other worries. It feels as though she is ready for me to come back home but I find myself reluctant to go back, afraid I guess just as she is. I know that the PPD is still there but I have been hesitant to bring that up with her that she could possibly be going through it. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy and give her the time that she has been telling me she needs.
It is Saturday morning just getting back from spending the night and morning with her. I am going to go back over there around 2ish to take her and my daughter to the pool at her apartments. We will see how it goes, I am just going to give it time and her space to figure out what she truly wants or the PPD to run its course hopefully it will. I will write to you later or call, thank you, I needed someone to help guide me through this.
6 Months Later
Well I am writing from a different location other then at home with my wife and daughter. Like you just said unfortunately sometimes things go from bad to worse, and they have. We have tried, it seems that we can only be together for a few days till things hit the roof again. I am at a point where I just do not know what to do, I love her, she loves me, we just can’t seem to live together. I am at a point where I think I am getting my own place. It seems to me she has a lot of anger left from her past, and I know I contribute my part, it seems that we feed negatively off each other when things get to this point, and can’t find a way back to each other.